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翻译：Az 一叶小船 蓝翔 think prayer fabulous 脚比路长 Bra
校对：Az 低K党 安歌 后期/压制/特效：大帅比Pinkman
对世世代代的高中生来说 For generations of high-schoolers,
你可以是一个运动员 怪咖 you could only be a jock, a geek,
小公主 校霸 或者屌丝 a princess, a bully or a basket case.
但此一时 彼一时 But times have changed.
运动员也玩电子游戏 Jocks play video games.
小公主们也会得抑郁症 Princesses are on antidepressants.
怪咖们基本上都从政去了 And geeks basically run the country.
我以为我们生活在一个全新的世界 I thought we were living in a brave new world
一个没有歧视的世界 a place without labels.
但在高中 经常会有那么一瞬间 But every so often, there's that one moment in high school
会改变你的人生观 世界观和价值观 that changes your perspective on everything.
唔唔 好戏上演 Ooh. Showtime.
对我来说 这种改变是在高三 And for me, it happened senior year,
大概是返校舞会的一个月前 about a month before homecoming.
当时我和我的两位闺蜜正走在走廊里 I was cruising the halls with my two best friends.
杰西·哈里斯 Jess Harris.
我要跟她狠狠的啪啪啪 嗨到我们都带上安全帽 I would bang her so hard we'd both need helmets.
杰西·哈里斯
#女神
野心勃勃的设计师
禅宗佛教徒
好吧 这不是我 Yeah, that's not me.
凯西·科尔德罗 Casey Cordero.
- 我会和她玩“使命召唤”的 - 嗯 - I would play "Call of Duty" with her... - Yeah.
- 玩通宵 - 等等 啥 - All night. - Wait, what?
也会狠狠的啪啪啪 到戴安全帽的境界 And bang her hard too, to the point of needing helmets.
- 是啊 是啊 是啊 - 那个也要 是啊 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That too, yeah.
凯·西科尔德罗
#女汉子
前锋
黑客
不 这也不是我 Nope, not me, either.
好戏结束 只剩个比安卡了 Show's over. Just Bianca.
这才是我 That's me.
比安卡·派珀
#另类非主流
邪教类电影脑残粉
马丁·范布伦(美国总统) 五分钱乐队 Martin Van Buren. Nickelback.
三好学生
反对政教分离主义 Antidisestablishmentarianism.
差强人意的小提琴手
啊 Ah?
杰西的臀最翘 Jess has the hottest ass.
凯西的胸最挺 Casey has the hottest rack.
比安卡 她的姐妹儿最辣 Bianca, she has the hottest friends.
- 没错 - 是啊 - Yeah. - Yeah.
丑女也有春天
返校舞会门票 返校舞会 Homecoming tickets, homecoming.
嗨 快来张舞会门票吧 Hey, get your homecoming tickets now.
- 现在是半价优惠 待会儿票价就双倍了 - 我们要迟到了 - Half price now or double at the door. - We're gonna be late.
嗨 杰西 嗨 凯西 返校舞会的门票要吗 Hey, Jess. Hey, Casey. Homecoming tickets?
- 哦 我们已经在网上淘到了 - 好吧 那舞会上见 - Oh, we bought ours online. - All right, cool. See you there.
- 谢了 - 我不会参加的 所以 - Thanks. - And I will not be attending, so...
噢 我的天 每次舞会你都不参加 Oh, my God, you do this before every dance.
对啊 但我是真不想去 Yeah, but I don't feel like going.
晚上有文森特·普莱斯的电影连播 我要看那个 There's a Vincent Price marathon on, so I gotta watch that.
文森特·普莱斯: 一位非常有名的恐怖片演员
- 你说的是谁啊 - 呃 - Who's that? - Ugh.
靠 是戈麦斯老师 我的西班牙语很烂 Shit, there's Senor Gomez. I'm failing Spanish.
下学期再见 那可是最棒的一学期哦
预祝我们下学期让其他班级一败涂地
什么鬼
好的 Okay.
迷你斯大林 正前方 Mini Stalin, dead ahead.
她是麦迪逊·摩根 Meet Madison Morgan.
她总自称是学校最辣的女孩儿 As she would tell you herself, she's the hottest girl in school.
就连基佬都想和她约会 Even the gay guys wanna date her.
我绝对会把她给啪出翔来 I would totally bang the shit out of her.
但那样太恶心了 But I wouldn't like it.
麦迪逊·摩根
#明日之星
可爱 Love.
两面三刀
抱歉 Sorry.
寻衅滋事
没错 她就是个贱人 So, yeah, she was a bitch.
我们在假装和她交朋友吗 算是吧 Were we fake friends with her? Kind of.
女孩们 我要在家开个派对 我想你们都听说了 Girls, party at my place. I'm sure you've heard of it.
你能拍个她们打开请柬的特写镜头吗 Can you make sure you get an insert shot of them opening it?
当然 这就拍 Yep, on it.
哦 对了 我打算录一个 Oh, yeah, I'm doing a
派对的视频放在我的YouTube主页 video about the party for my YouTube channel.
哇哦 等等 你要在星期三开派对吗 Wow, wait, you're having a party on a Wednesday?
- 那天晚上有课啊 - 没错 但我想开就开 - On a school night? - Yeah, I can do that.
真有你的 亲 没问题 Damn, dude. All right.
哦 好 我们会去的 Well, yeah, we're in.
哦 呃 Ooh, um...
比安卡 你必须得有正式邀请才能参加 Bianca, you have to have an actual invite to get in,
可我这里有名额限制 and I only have a certain amount.
但是 呃 如果计划有变动的话 我会通知你的 But, um, if anything changes, I'll let you know.
- 这样就没问题了 - 噢 嘿 - Problem solved. - Oh, hey.
看 现在有了 Look at that.
好极了 呵呵 嗯 Wonderful. Heh. Mm.
我真是迫不及待了 需不需要我带些什么 Can't wait. Should I bring anything or...?
我们会 好吧 We'll... Okay.
阿努潘和莉娜 关于学校午餐的报道 你们有什么进展吗 Anupam and Lena, where are we on the school-lunch article?
呃 我们觉得文章可以写关于餐厅里 Uh, we thought we would make it about how the prices of ice cream
冰淇淋价格上涨15美分的原因 还有 have gone up 15 cents in the cafeteria and...
这也太无聊了(香草味的) 不用在意我的玩笑话 That's a bit vanilla. Pardon the pun.
但你们根本就没抓住这次新闻报道的要点 But you're missing the meat of the story.
我们学校每周有五天都供应披萨 Our school serves pizza five days a week,
制作披萨的费用是从纳税人缴的税里扣 paid by taxpayer money
而这些税原本是用来降低 由披萨引发的 糖尿病的发病率 that is used to cover us against pizza-induced diabetes.
这才是真正的学校午餐新闻报道 你们弱爆了 Now, that's a school-lunch story. Boom.
记下来 圈下来 写出来 Copy that, circle it, write it.
嗯 搞定了 我真为自己感到骄傲 Huh? Nailed it. I'm so proud of me.
我们一起提出了这个观点 不过主要是我的功劳 We came up with that idea together, but mostly me.
好了 接下来 最后一个任务 好吗 Okay, next up, final assignment, all right?
这是项艰巨的任务 但对任何一个想要对 It's a doozy, but it's a real feather in the cap
我们学校社交生活进行报道的称职的记者来说 for any reporter worth their salt
这会是一项非常了不起的成就 that wants to comment on the social life of this school.
有人要做吗 Anyone?
没人 Not all at once.
真的没人吗 No one?
就没人主动点吗 谁都可以 No one at all? Any takers?
比安卡 Bianca.
我就等着你呢 Just the gal I was hoping for.
你好 好了 Hello. Okay.
我希望你不要安于现状了 I want you to step out of your comfort zone
拿出你超群的记者职业素养 写一篇有自己风格的 and bring your special brand of journalistic gravitas
关于返校舞会的文章 to an article about homecoming.
特别是 返校舞会对我的意义 Specifically, what homecoming means to me.
我是说 不是对我 我高中时可从没参加过舞会 I mean, not to me. I never went to a dance when I was a kid.
- 我有点书呆子 - 抱歉要打断你 亚瑟老师 呃 - Kind of a nerd. - Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Arthur, heh,
但是 呃 恕我直言 我 but, um, with all due respect, I'm...
让比安卡·派珀的无限魅力散发出来 You're honored and thrilled
难道不会让你觉得光荣又激动吗 to lend that Bianca Piper magic?
你难道不想做点自己爱做的事 You wanna do your thing
然后把它们写成文章 让它一夜爆红吗 and put some stuff in the words and make it pop?
你是如此的优秀 That's so nice of you.
你其实不用那样做 “不 别这样 我没说” You don't have to do that. "No, you didn't. I didn't say..."
不 你做了 谢谢 Yes, you did. And thank...
“不 我没做 我没做” 是的 你做到了 "No, I didn't, I didn't." Yes, you did.
我很感激你 And I thank you.
你做到了 我很感激你 You did. And I thank you.
噢 我可不想去参加舞会 写什么破文章 Yeah, that's not where I was going with that.
真不好意思 “返校舞会对我的意义”吗 I'm sorry, "What Homecoming Means to Me"?
我们多大了啊 5岁吗 What are we, 5 years old?
- 这都什么啊 - 听着 我不想打击你 比比 - What is this? - Look, I'm sorry, B.
我知道这让人不爽 但也许是 I know it sucks, but maybe it's the universe
老天爷在告诉你 你必须去参加 telling you, you need to be there.
请不要在这么一大清早 Please don't start with the universe with me
就用老天爷这种鬼话来唬我 好吗 this early in the morning, okay?
每个人 每件事都逊毙了 Everything and everyone can suck it.
行了 又不是世界末日 Okay, it's not the end of the world.
哦 哦 得了 你真是站着说话不腰疼 Ho, ho. Well, that's easy for you to say.
- 我连男伴都没有 - 这个我能解决 - I don't have a date. - I can fix that.
- 嗯 杰克·瑞比斯 - 呃 手太小了 - Um... Jack Rebis. - Mm. Tiny hands.
- 马克·沃肖 - 臭味难闻 - Mark Warshaw? - Smells like trash.
查理·派珀 Charlie Piper.
你是在说我表弟查理·派珀吗 My cousin Charlie Piper?
呃 只要别人不知道就行啊 Well, people don't know that.
好吧 让我再找找 Okay, I will keep looking.
肯定能找到合适的 We'll find someone.
虽然杰西列出来的男友数不胜数 Although Jess' menu of dudes was never-ending,
但我心中的白马王子只有一个 there was only one guy I wanted to be my date.
他就是 托比·塔克 And that's him, Toby Tucker.
托比·塔克
#我未来孩子的父亲
魅力四射
魅力到处乱射射射射射射
但我连和他说三个字的勇气都没有 I couldn't work up the courage to say three words to Toby.
真的 就是字面意思 三个字 No, literally, three words.
好 拜 Okay. bye.
呃 Ugh.
喔 让我们好好教训教训他们 Whoo! We're gonna kick some ass!
- 老天 - 待会儿见 老兄 - Jeez. - I'll see you later, bro.
你知道那种 和你一起长大 You know those people you grow up with,
小的时候可能还一起洗过澡 maybe you took baths with them when you were little,
但现在烦得你真想赏他一坨翔的家伙吗 but now they just annoy the shit out of you?
我会告诉你五个字 韦斯利·拉什 I give you Wesley Rush.
韦斯利·拉什
#足球队长
小男鸭
同时也是比安卡的邻居
- 嘿 芳邻 - 韦斯利 - Hey, neighbor. - Wesley.
昨晚我瞧见你在看一些奇怪的日本恐怖片 Saw you watching some weird Japanese horror movie last night.
你偷窥我吗 Were you spying on me?
第一 晚上记得拉窗帘 A, don't leave your curtains open,
第二 成堆成堆的日本人为了小命尖叫逃跑 and two, it's kind of hard to miss a bunch of Japanese people
这场景我想不注意到都难 running and screaming for their lives.
顺便说下 那么多文字看起来真的很可怕 Looked horrible, by the way, all that reading.
那些是字幕 Those would be subtitles.
这样啊 你的闺蜜们呢 Super. Where are your girls at?
- 谁想她们了 - 你的真命天子 - Who wants to know? - The only man in your life.
呃 韦斯利 就算地球上就剩你一个男的 Mm, Wesley, you wouldn't be in my life
你也不是我的菜 if you were the only man left on the planet.
哦 乱箭穿心啊 比比 你的心可真硬 Aw. Sticks and stones, B.
讲到硬 来看看我硬如磐石的腹肌 Speaking of stones, rock-hard abs.
- 不 不 - 摸一下 - No, no. - Touch them.
- 不 没人会想摸的 - 抚摸一下 - No, no one wants that. - Graze them.
嗨 你在这儿啊 Hey, there you are.
韦斯利和麦迪逊“闪光灯夫妇”的名号 Wesley and Madison were known around school
在学校内广为人知 as "The Relationship Strobe Light."
分分合合 合合分分 成百上千次 On again, off again, a thousand times.
好吧 Okay.
哦 比安卡 呃 好尴尬啊 Oh. Bianca. Well, this is awkw...
抱歉 你刚刚是在和我前男友在调情吗 Sorry, were you just hitting on my ex-boyfriend?
不 不 我刚刚在储物柜放东西 No, no. Just having some me time at my locker.
- 他正好路过 - 哦 当然了 - He approached me. - Oh. Totally.
我想也是 你们俩怎么可能呢 I agree. That could never happen.
我知道你很想我 I know you miss me.
你把到她真是做了件善事 That's a healthy thing you've got going.
回见 比比 Later, B.
比比 我们是去参加派对 B, it's a party.
你得穿些可爱的衣服 You should wear something cute.
看这个 这里有很多适合你的衣服 Here. Lots of options for you.
这件怎样 How about this?
漂亮吧 Pretty.
- 这是什么鬼啊 内衣吗 - 错 这是吊带小背心 - What the hell is this, underwear? - No, it's a camisole.
不要吗 你不穿吗 好吧 呃 No? Not for you? Okay. Um...
哦 这件呢 颜色深一点 有几分性感 怎么样 Ooh. How about this? It's a little darker, kind of sexy. Hmm?
好吧 不过我听说托比今晚也要参加派对 Fine. Although I did hear Toby's gonna be at the party tonight.
哦 说的跟这会有什么区别似的 Oh, like that would matter.
我是说 反正她也不会跟托比说话 I mean, it's not like she's gonna say anything to him.
- 打断一下 我有可能哦 - 嗯 - Excuse me, I might. - Mm?
也许我会 你懂的 Maybe I'll, you know...
好吧 仔细考虑之后 Yeah, on second thought,
我觉得我得穿上那件旧的幸运派对衬衫 I think I'm just gonna stick with the old lucky party shirt.
- 稍等一下 - 比安卡 别穿那个 - Wait for it. - Bianca, don't do it.
- 哈 - 比比 - Huh? - B.
看它上面写的 Says it on there.
- 不 - 嗯嗯 - No. - Mm-mm.
- 还有 你知道 也许 - 不 - And, you know, maybe... - No.
- 我还会配上我的经典衬衫 - 不要那个法兰绒的 - I'll even round it out with old trusty... - Not the flannel.
- 超柔超舒适 - 不 - Nice muted tones. - No.
那样一点都不好看 That is not a good look.
这样才好看 This is a good look.
这是我的妈妈 And that's my mom.
多蒂·派珀
#这古董也太老了点吧
三年前我爸爸离开了她 她因此有点失控 Three years ago my dad left her, and she did not handle it well.
但某天晚上 突然灵光一现 But one night divine inspiration struck.
你会经历五个阶段 You can expect to go through five stages.
- 第一阶段是拒绝接受 - 不可能 我不会死的 - The first is denial. - No way, because I'm not dying.
- 第二阶段是愤怒 - 为什么 你这个小 啊 - Second is anger. - Why, you little... Agh!
随之而来的是害怕 After that comes fear.
- 害怕之后是什么 - 谈判 - What's after fear? - Bargaining.
救救我 我会好好报答你的 Get me out of this. I'll make it worth your while.
- 最后阶段 接受现实 - 好吧 我们总有一天会死的 - Finally, acceptance. - Well, we all gotta go sometime.
就这样 她变成了多蒂·派珀 And just like that, she became Dottie Piper,
对40岁以上的自助群众 随处可见的摇滚明星 local celebrity to the 40-and-over self-help crowd,
以及临时妈妈来说 她是他们的榜样 all-around rock star and occasional mom.
好了 我来跟你们分享一些东西 All right, let me tell you something.
第一阶段：拒绝接受
第二阶段：愤怒
第三阶段：抑郁
第四阶段：谈判
第五阶段：接受现实
当时我对前夫的事儿还感到抑郁 I was in the depression stage about my ex,
但我将前任与“抑郁”结合在一起 but I combined my ex with "Depression,"
就得到了“情感表达” and I got "Expression."
如果你们女孩子想要真正迷倒男孩们 if you girls wanna really knock the boys out,
就应该大胆的来一套西裤套装来展现自己的勇气 you should project boldness with a power pantsuit combo.
那我就会看起来像希拉里·克林顿一样了 妈妈 I'm gonna look like Hillary Clinton, Mom.
我知道 好吗 I know, right?
好吧 孩子们 好好享受你们的派对 Okay, kids, enjoy your party.
我爱你们 我还有一个座谈会要准备一下 I love you. I have another seminar to prep for.
- 好的 拜 - 拜 - Okay, bye. - Bye.
- 我喜欢你的衣服 - 凯特琳 你能确保 - I love your outfit. - Caitlyn, can you make sure
拍一些甜点的镜头吗 杰丝 发型不错 you get a shot of the desserts? Jess, hair's looking good.
呃 她真得去做下头发护理了 Ugh. She needs a blow-out.
来 凯莉 拿这些蓝色的吧 Here, Kelly, take the blue ones.
它们是无糖的 They're sugar-free, and I
我知道你正在注意这方面的事儿 know you're trying to watch that kind of thing.
什么 What?
你这是在逗我 You've got to be kidding me.
- 韦斯利 - 啊 - Wesley? - Agh!
凯特琳 Caitlyn.
嘿 麦迪 Hey, Mads.
真的吗 就用这个 她是要录下所有东西吗 Really? With this? Does she have to film everything?
韦斯利 我马上就要出名了 Wesley, I'm what's known as pre-famous.
我的生活就是一部真人秀试镜 My life is an audition for reality TV.
所以 是的 呃 我需要记录任何事情 So, yeah, um, I need to chronicle everything.
刚刚那一下拍得不错 再来一个广角镜头 That was a good take for me. Get a wide shot too.
嘿 凯特琳 休息一下 Hey, Caitlyn, take five.
- 谢谢 - 唷 - Thanks. - Ew.
这就是我们分手的原因 好吗 This is why we are not dating, okay?
因为你 我的朋友 你是一个年少无知的笨蛋 Because you, my friend, are a juvenile dipshit.
- 我可以跟聪明点的大学生约会 - 是的 - I could be dating college guys... - Yeah.
或者名人或者大叔 Or famous people or thirty-year-olds.
你约会对象的年龄听起来挺不错的 That sounds like an awesome episode of Dateline.
好好享受那些萎靡不振的小弟弟吧 Enjoy those saggy balls.
当然了 我会的 呃 Fine, I Will. Ugh.
过来 伙计 Come on, man.
伙伴们 我没见到托比 Guys, I don't see Toby.
- 我不知道托比在哪里 - 过来跟我们跳舞 - I don't know where Toby is. - Come dance with us.
你们觉得他是不是没来啊 Do you think he didn't come?
- 真是扫兴 - 不 不 伙伴们 我不会跳舞 - Party pooper. - No, no, guys, I don't dance.
过来 比比 过来吧 比比 Come on, B. Come on, B.
- 不 不 不 - 好了 你行的 过来 来跳吧 - No, no, no. - Yeah, you do. Come on, you dance.
你可以的 过来 You do. Come on.
- 过来 - 好吧 - Come on. - Okay.
- 这不就跳起来了吗 - 嘿 - There you go. - Hey.
- 嘿 - 哦 看看这魔鬼的步伐 哇 - Hey. - Ooh, look at those moves. Whoo!
- 看到了吗 - 哦 伙计 舞蹈这玩意儿 - See? - Oh, man, all this dancing
让我变得很口渴 我要去喝点东西 made me so thirsty. I'm gonna get a drink.
比比 真的要这样吗 B, really?
让你离开 Let you get away.
时至今日 求你不要离开 Now, don't go away.
我亲爱的 不要离我而去 My darling Don't go away.
嘿 比利 Hey, Billy.
- 不 只有比安卡 - 上帝 - No, just Bianca. - Jesus.
今晚看起来真帅 Looking very handsome tonight.
是吗 谢谢你 Well, thank you.
在这儿玩得开心吗 Having fun at the party?
是的 说实话 你们这些女孩看起来都美得不可思议 Yeah, actually, your girls are looking incredible out there.
她们有提起过我吗 Have they asked about me?
当我跟她们说你在这里的时候 When I told them that you were here,
她们的眼睛充满了那种 像是 their eyes filled with this, like,
闪闪发光 你知道的 就像是 孩子般渴望的眼神 sparkle, you know, with, like, childlike wonder,
然后她们就开始一起跳舞 and then they just started dancing together.
- 那看起来还挺美的 - 是的 当然 - It was kind of beautiful. - Yeah, it was.
她们有一起做其他什么事情吗 Do they do other things together
我可以加入她们或者可以在一旁观看的事儿 that I might be able to join in on or just watch?
我开玩笑的 也不完全是开玩笑 都告诉我吧 I'm kidding. Not kidding at all. Tell me everything.
好吧 事实上我没有义务告诉你 Yeah, it's actually not my job to give you pervy intel
我最好朋友的八卦信息 不过还是谢谢了 on my best friends, but thanks.
好吧 在某种意义上这的确是你该干的 Well, I mean, it kind of is, though.
人们会问你关于她们事情 是吧 People ask you questions about them, right,
因为这是你作为衬托他们的丑伴友的工作 because that's your job as their DUFF.
抱歉 作为他们的什么 Sorry, as their what?
丑伴友 丑 伴 友 Duff. D-u-f-f.
又丑又胖的指定朋友 Designated Ugly Fat Friend.
你刚刚对我说了什么 What did you just say to me?
这没什么大不了的 好吗 It's not like a big deal, okay?
我的意思是 就像 每一个集体都会有这么一个丑伴友 I mean, like, every group of friends has one.
就是看起来不怎么样的的绿叶 The one who doesn't look as good,
从而让她的朋友显得更有魅力 thus making their friends look better.
丑伴友一般都很容易接近 也很好说话 The one who's approachable and easy to talk to,
因为没人会想要泡她们 because no one's trying to get in their pants.
如果你不知道这是指谁 那就是你 And if you don't know who it is, chances are it's you.
说什么时候 说 Say when. Say...
好吧 听着 我不是那个意思 好吗 呃 Okay, look, I didn't mean it like that, all right? Urn...
丑伴友不一定都是很丑的恐龙 好吗 The DUFF doesn't always have to be some heinous beast, all right?
看一看罗宾 Take a look at Robin.
罗宾她 看上去 非常可爱 Robin's, like, super cute.
是的 但是她的朋友更是超级火辣 Okay, but her friends are super hot.
哦 上帝 这真的是你们男生才说的话 Oh, God, that is such a guy thing to say.
男生里也有丑伴友 好吗 Guys can be DUFFs too, okay?
你知道我足球队里有一个叫A.J.的新人么 You know my boy A.J. Freshman on the football team?
我们一起上化学课 We're in chemistry together.
而现在他正干着作为丑伴友 所能干的第二重要的事情 Now he's doing the second most important job a DUFF can do,
就像一个看门人一样守着他们的漂亮朋友 acting as, like, the gatekeeper to their better-looking friends.
他有一手资料 女生在打听心仪男生的时候都会去找他 He's the guy with the info people go to before they make their move.
- 快看 快看 - 韦斯真的是单身吗 - Watch, watch. - Is it true Wes is single?
啊 呃 当然是 嗯 Ahem. Uh, sure is, yeah.
知道了 谢谢你 A.J.你太好了 Got it. Thanks, A.J. You're sweet.
- 嗨 - 嘿 韦斯 - Hi. - Hey, Wes.
看到了吗 她得到了想要的信息 他也得以跟一位火辣的学姐说话了 See? She gets her info, he gets to talk to a hot senior.
甚至还得到了一个吻 而我什么都不需要做 Even got a little action. I didn't have to do anything.
这跟现在的我们两个有点儿像 It's kind of like us right now.
不好意思 我们两个现在才不是那样 Excuse me, that is not like us right now.
比比 平时 B, on an average day,
有多少人向你打听有关杰西和凯西的事 how many guys ask you questions about Jess and Casey?
- 我不知道 实在太多了 - 好吧 - I don't know. It's a fair amount. - Okay.
平时又有多少人打听关于你的事 On an average day, how many guys ask you questions about you?
看到了吗 你们之间没有友谊 好吗 See? You friended up, okay?
我是为你好 才告诉你的 知道了吗 快清醒清醒吧 Good for you. Good talk. You know what? Get back out there.
去找一些 Have some...
嘿 这是在搞什么鬼 Hey, what the hell was that for?
愚蠢的韦斯 Stupid Wes.
这甚至都不 It's not even...
丑伴友
丑陋并且肥胖的朋友被定名为丑伴友
丑伴友是朋友圈里最没吸引力的人
政坛丑伴友
暴君丑伴友
毛茸茸丑伴友
开玩笑吗 Really?
噢 上帝 Oh, God.
我就是丑伴友 I am the DUFF.
取悦我 你才能接近我的朋友们 Impress me to get to my friends.
我就是那个看门人 I am the gatekeeper.
我不是丑伴友 I'm not the DUFF.
悲伤
第一阶段：拒绝接受
丑伴友
嘿 丑伴友小姐 Hey, Duffy.
你不是应该和你的好朋友们一起做实验吗 Shouldn't you be working with a partner?
你不是应该在做实验吗 Shouldn't you be working at all?
实验室的同伴正在帮我做 Lab partner's got this.
喔 伙计 拜托 Oh, boy. Clearly.
那边的比尔·奈依（著名科学家）看起来像是要把那酸性液体喝下去一样 Bill Nye over there looks like she's about to drink that acid.
我自己做实验就行 I work alone.
- 你走开 - 你干吗要发脾气 - Take a hint. - Why are you so grumpy?
你知道 我才应该生你的气 你毁掉了我最喜欢的衣服 You know, I should be mad at you. You ruined my favorite shirt.
你说我是丑墩胖 韦斯利 You called me fat and ugly, Wesley.
什么 不 我没有 我只是叫你丑伴友 What? No, I didn't. I called you the DUFF.
好吧 抱歉 Yeah, excuse me.
但那词是特指又丑又胖的朋友 屌丝 It's just that stands for Designated Ugly Fat Friend, dick face.
你不能只看字面意思 好吗 You can't take it literally, okay?
我意思是 丑伴友不一定是胖胖的或丑丑的 I mean, the DUFF doesn't actually have to be fat or ugly.
你知道 就像托尼·罗莫 他是个达拉斯牛仔 You know, like Tony Romo, he's a Dallas Cowboy.
不过这并不代表他会骑马 对吧 It's not like he rides a horse, right?
我完全不清楚你在讲什么鬼 I have no idea what the hell you're talking about.
我只是说 我从来不会说谁很胖或者很丑 I'm just saying, I would never call anyone fat or ugly.
好吗 那样太刻薄了 Okay? That's messed up.
但这个词就是这样用的 它是个统称 But it's the word and it stuck. It's a catchall.
噢 天呐 你给我有多远死多远 Oh, my God. Get out of here before I murder you.
- 你是开玩笑的吧 好吧 - 我会杀了你的 - Are you kidding? Okay. - I'll murder you.
比比 你昨晚去哪野了 B, where the hell'd you go?
回家了 有点儿不舒服 Home. Wasn't feeling good.
哦 好吧 你没有错过太多东西 Oh, well, you didn't really miss much.
是啊 除了杰西和瑞安·詹森啪啪啪了 Yeah, except Jess making out with Ryan Jensen,
警察终止了那场派对 the cops busting up the party,
还有 大家拿卫生纸装饰了蕾贝卡·卡特的家 and, like, everyone TP'ing Rebecca Cutter's house.
她说得对 昨晚很赞 She's right, it was pretty awesome.
喂 还好吗 Hello? Are you okay?
挺好的 只管拿吃的就好 Yeah, just get the food.
- 嘿 你们好 杰西和凯西 - 嘿 - Hey there, Jess and Casey. - Hey.
嘿 伊莱恩 Hey, Elaine.
嘿 伙计 Hey, you.
嘿 杰佛里 Hey, Jeffrey.
我越来越难以否定这个事实了 It was becoming harder and harder to deny the truth.
- 如果没有杰西和凯西的话 - 嘿 杰西 凯西 - Without Jess and Casey... - Hey, Jess, Casey.
嘿 布坎南校长 Hey, Principal Buchanon.
我就没有任何存在感了 I ceased to be.
女孩们 我家要开派对啦 Girls, party at my place.
嘿 杰西 嘿 凯西 Hey, Jess. Hey, Casey.
该死的 我就是丑伴友 Holy shit. I was the DUFF.
杰西和凯西 杰西和凯西 Jess and Casey. Jess and Casey.
杰西和凯西 Jess and Casey.
为什么我是博斯利 这里可是有三只天使 Why was I Bosley? There were three Angels.
好吧 Okay.
你知道那个在蝙蝠侠中掉进一桶酸液 You know in Batman when that guy falls into the vat of acid
然后变成小丑的那家伙吗 and becomes the Joker?
这就是我“改头换面”的时刻了 This was my "Vat of acid" Moment.
我最好的朋友把我当成丑伴友 My best friends made me the DUFF.
这让我很 And that made me...
愤怒 Angry.
比安卡 我们走吧 你要迟到了 Bianca, let's go. You'll be late for school.
这世界让我看起来像隐形人 The world gave me the gift of invisibility,
于是我便可以毫不在意世俗的眼光 a license to not give a shit.
你看上去很疯狂 You look crazy.
疯狂的好极了 Crazy amazing.
哦 上帝 连我的车都是丑伴车 Oh, God, even my car's a DUFF.
我几乎不能直视杰西和凯西 他们要把我气疯了 I couldn't even look at Jess and Casey, they made me so mad.
我们之间的友谊就是一场骗局 所有人都看出来了 就我没有 Our entire friendship was a sham, and everyone knew but me.
嘿 比比 你能帮我看看我的设计作品吗 Hey, B, will you take a look at my fashion piece?
我需要点外行人的看法 I need a layman's opinion.
你知道我是女生的吧 对吗 You're aware I'm a woman, right?
什么 噢 不 “外行人” 这只是种措词 What? Oh, no. "Layman," It's just a phrase.
我只是表示你不是时尚专家 I just mean you're not a fashion expert.
噢 所以我的风格很糟糕吗 Oh, so I have bad style?
哇哦 有人心情不好 放轻松 Whoa, someone's in a mood. Lighten up.
放轻松 因为我很重吗 Lighten up? Because I'm so heavy?
你出什么问题了 Is there a problem?
出来 Outside.
你们两个怎么能 How could you guys not
不告诉我 我一直都只是你们的丑伴友呢 tell me this whole time that I was your DUFF?
- 我们的什么 - 特定的又丑又胖的朋友 - Our what? - Your Designated Ugly Fat Friend.
是的 是的 韦斯利告诉我了一切 Yeah, yeah. Wesley told me everything.
哈哈 他甚至都拼不来这个词 Ha, ha. He can't even spell.
事实上那对于韦斯来说的确很有创意 That's actually pretty creative for Wes.
你什么时候开始在意韦斯利·拉什说的话了 Since when do you care what Wesley Rush says?
他经常说一些奇怪的东西 He says crazy stuff all the time.
呃 因为这次说得通 Uh, because it makes sense.
不然为什么你们两个超级火辣又受欢迎的女生 I mean, why else would two super-hot, popular girls
会想跟我这样的人做朋友呢 wanna be friends with somebody like me?
是因为你们想利用我使你们自身看起来更优秀 It's because you're using me to make yourselves look better.
好吧 就因为你 Okay, just because you
认为我们其中一个比你好看 think one of us is better-looking than you...
噢 天呐 就是这个 就是这个 知道吗 不 不 不 Oh, my God. There it is, there it is. You know what? No, no, no.
我很高兴你说出来了 I'm glad you said that,
因为这让我接下来要做的事变得更容易一些了 because it makes what I'm about to do a whole lot easier.
对 拿出来确认一下 Yeah, go ahead and check them.
你刚刚跟我解除好友了吗 Did you just unfriend me?
没错 我就是跟你们解除好友了 You bet your ass I did.
好 很好 Well, fine.
那我会把你从我的Instagram上移除 Then I am taking you off of Instagram.
好吧 哈利路亚 好吗 Well, hallelujah, okay?
这样我就不用去看 I don't have to look at pictures
你每天早上发的那些手工卡布奇诺的照片了 of your artisanal cappuccinos every morning.
你怎么敢 你明明很爱那些泡沫形状的 How dare you? You love those foam faces.
- 它们是魔幻泡沫 - 嘘 - They're foam-tastic. - Shh.
听着 我们在解决一些事情 Look, we're going through something over here.
猜猜还有什么 Guess what else.
取消关注你们两个的推特 Unfollowed y'all on Twitter.
噢 太好了 以后我不用整天收到 Oh, perfect. No more of
比安卡那些所谓搞笑的推特消息了 Bianca's almost-ironic tweets for the day.
呵 噢 真是搞笑 Heh. Oh, that's rich, coming from this guy
也不知道是谁每天那么无聊一直在转发 who's RT'ing them all day long.
那只不过是可怜你罢了 They're pity RTs.
知道吗 You know what?
我现在就把你从We Heart It和Vine的关注上移除 I'm taking you off of my We Heart It and my Vine feed.
We Heart It 和 Vine 均为社交软件
噢 很好 因为我不喜欢你朋友圈发的东西 好吗 Oh, great, because I don't like your loops, okay?
还有 我现在就屏蔽掉你的Tumblr And you know what else? I'm blocking your ass on Tumblr.
Tumblr是一个轻微博型社交网站
还有你 你也已经不在我的快照上了 And you, you're off my Snapchat.
Snapchat是一款图片分享型社交软件
好 很好 Well, fine.
- 很好 - 很好 - Fine. - Fine.
我现在自由了 I'm a free woman.
你们别再偷偷关注我的Pinterest了 小婊砸们 And don't you dare be creeping on my Pinterest, whores.
Pinterest也是一个图片分享型的社交网站
我很抱歉 苏珊 我们明天见 I'm so sorry, Susan. I'll see you tomorrow.
韦斯让我眼中的学校生活跟以前不一样了 Wes had made me see the school differently,
这并没有让我开心起来 and I wasn't happy about it.
哥特丑伴友
合唱团丑伴友
不论身处怎样的集体 都免不了有个丑伴友 It didn't matter what group you were in, it was unavoidable.
就算你是一个人也免不了 就像那位令人毛骨悚然的嘉莉·瑞斯科薇姿 Even if you weren't in a group, like Creepy Carrie Raskowitz.
我是自己最好的朋友 I'm my own best friend.
自闭症丑伴友
这些人里面有人知道 Did any of these people know
他们在社会等级中是什么地位吗 where they stood in the social hierarchy?
教师丑伴友
袜子很酷 Cool socks.
我很喜欢 Really dig them.
我要和你亲热 I wanna make out with your face.
很好 我也想和你亲热 Good, because my face wants you to make out with it.
袜子 Socks?
它们 They...
什么鬼 What the...?
我过去一直都不明白为什么我不能和托比交谈 I never knew why I couldn't talk to Toby.
现在我知道了 Now I did.
因为 就像学校的每一个人 他知道我是什么 Because, like everyone else in school, he knew what I was.
而在我潜意识里也知道这一点 And subconsciously I knew it too.
- 这对于韦斯莱来说太简单了 - 哈哈 - It was all so easy for Wes. - Ha, ha.
听着 我不是葡萄酒专家 但我相当确定 Look, I'm no wine expert, but I'm pretty sure
你把红色和白色混在一起的时候 你就会得到玫瑰 you mix red and white, you get rose.
他可以和任何人交谈 - 韦斯利 He could talk to anyone. - Wesley.
好好做实验 Back to work.
先别走 拉什先生 Take a seat, Mr. Rush.
这已经是你的第三个F了 我不知道你到底是怎么回事 That's your third F. I don't know what's going on with you.
但我和校长的商议之后 我们决定 But the principal and I talked and we decided
在你的成绩提升之前 你被禁止参加球队里的所有活动 until you get your grades up, you're suspended from the team.
我们不能和格兰特教练谈谈吗 Well, can't we talk to Coach Grant about it?
可以 格兰特教练支持了我的决定 Yeah, Coach Grant agrees with my decision.
好了 好了 你看 我不能失去我的奖学金 Okay, okay, look, I can't lose my scholarship.
这是我进大学唯一的方法 It's the only way I can get into college.
我真希望你之前就能想到这个 I wish you would've thought of that before.
你想让我做什么 You want me to what?
我不想再做任何一个人的丑伴友了 好吗 I don't wanna be anybody's DUFF anymore, okay?
我只想要做自己 I wanna be my own person.
我不想再当容易接近的人 I'm tired of being the approachable one.
我想成为可以去约会的人 I wanna be the datable one.
你是在问我约会的建议 You're asking me for dating advice?
硬要选在今天吗 你在跟我开玩笑吗 Today of all days? Are you kidding me?
你看 我喜欢一个男生 Look, I have a crush on this boy.
他叫托比·塔克 或许你听说过他 His name's Toby Tucker. Maybe you've heard of him.
好吧 我一跟他讲话 Well, I can't seem to talk to him
我就完全一幅蠢样 你知道吗 without making a total ass of myself, okay?
你似乎从来都不存在这方面的问题 And you never seem to have this problem.
-你不是讨厌我吗 - 我很高兴你问出来 是的 我讨厌你 - Don't you hate me? - I'm glad you asked. Yes, I do.
但只是因为你很笨 再加上乱搞才讨厌你的 But only because you're a dipshit and a man-whore.
但你是全校唯一一个 But you're the only one in this whole school
告诉我究竟发生了什么的人 who told me what was actually going on.
所以你是一个诚实的笨蛋 这才是最要紧的 So you're an honest dipshit, and that's what counts.
- 那我还得感谢你吗 - 我们就不能 - Thanks? - Can we just...?
我们能不能停下来休息会儿 Can we just cool it for a second?
好吧 我提议这样做 Okay, here's my offer.
你帮我这个忙 我就确保你通过科学考试 I will make sure you pass science if you help me with this.
我的意思是 这对你来说很轻松 I mean, you got the easy part.
你在睡梦中都能通过科学考试 You could pass science in your sleep.
而我得让你摆脱丑伴友的称号 你穿的是睡衣吗 I have to reverse-DUFF you. Are you wearing pajamas?
噢 我的天啊 韦斯利 我已经知道了 好吗 Oh, my God. You know, I get it Wesley, okay?
我很恶心 我是一个沼泽异形 I'm disgusting. I'm a swamp thing.
- 我是一个普通的贝拉·卢戈西 - 谁 - I'm a regular Bela Lugosi. - Who?
贝拉·卢戈西常主演恐怖电影
我不能相信我居然 I can't even believe I thought
会问你这样事情 that I could ask you something like this.
忘掉吧 Just forget it.
你好好的享受 You know, have fun playing
这个赛季的高尔夫电子游戏吧 你个屌丝 intramural Wii golf this season, dick face.
好吧 好吧 好吧 Okay, okay, okay.
过来 Come here.
你看 我是一个白痴而已 Look, I'm an idiot.
白痴无法给出很棒的建议 And idiots don't exactly give great advice.
好吧 我们可以这样想 Well, look at it this way.
反正没什么能让我比现在更尴尬了 对吧 It's not like you could make me any more awkward, right?
这倒是实话 That's true.
看到没 白痴 See? Idiot.
所以你做不做 So you'll do it?
- 我做 - 太好了 - Yeah. - Yes.
有一个条件 On one condition.
你要用怪兽音求我 You gotta ask me in monster voice.
- 韦斯利 怪兽音 - 是的 - Wesley. Monster voice? - Yeah.
- 像我们小时候那样吗 - 嗯 嗯 - From when we were little? - Mm-hm.
- 不 我不 我不记得了 - 你确定 - No, I don't... I don't remember it. - You sure?
- 是的 我甚至不能 - 好吧 - Yes, I couldn't even... - Okay.
哇 哇 哇 Whoa, whoa, whoa.
比安卡需要韦斯利的帮助 Bianca need Wesley help.
- 求你了 韦斯莱 帮帮比安卡吧 - 哈哈 - Please, Wesley, help Bianca? - Ha, ha.
- 这就是你想要的 - 还不赖 你做的还挺好的 - There you go. - Not bad. You still got it.
要逗你开心太容易了 So easily amused.
- 我们达成了共识 - 是的 - We got a deal? - Yeah.
- 我只是要低一点 就这样 - 就只 - I was just going low, that's all. - Just...
- 是的 没错 - 好的 - Yes. All right. - Okay.
所以 你必须得通过化学期中考试 是吗 So, you have to pass the chemistry midterm, okay?
- 所以我们的重点应该先放在那上面 - 好的 - So we'll focus on that first. - Yeah.
那我要从哪里开始 And where do we start with me?
- 星期六中午 购物中心 - 好 就这么定 - The mall, noon, Saturday. - All right, cool.
不过到时要走很多路吗 Will there be a lot of walking, though?
那我会穿运动衣 好好 Because I'll wear my Shape-ups. Having some...
到时候发短信给我 Text me.
我好紧张 要依靠一个原始人 I was nervous, relying on the school Neanderthal,
但是他又能做出什么更糟糕的事情呢 but what was the worst he could do?
- 你在跟我开玩笑吗 - 我没有 - Are you kidding me with this? - I'm not.
韦斯 如果我想去购物或讨论少女用品 Wes, if I wanted to go shopping and talk about girly stuff,
我跟杰西和凯茜一起就可以做到 I could've done that with Jess and Casey.
- 我需要你跟我说一些实话好吗 - 说实话吗 - I need you to give me real talk. - Real talk?
你胸部太大 你摆的姿势很烂 还有你的衣服也很奇怪 You got a uniboob, your posture sucks, and your clothes fit weird
因为你穿着不合适的胸罩 砰 这就是我的实话 because you wear the wrong size bra. Boom, real talk.
我看了很多集天桥骄子 怎么了 I watch a lot of Project Runway. What's up?
天桥骄子是一个关于时装设计的真人秀节目
首先 第一印象很重要 Step one, first impressions matter,
所以我们要从你的外观造型多下功夫 so take some pride in your appearance.
女士们 这是比安卡 Ladies, this is Bianca.
好好招待她 Take good care of her.
在这一部分我应该回避一下 I'm gonna get the hell out of this section.
- 韦斯 不 别走 - 啊 - Wes, no, don't go. - Ach.
- 大号胸围 - 看吧 大号 - Unibooben. - See, uniboob.
- 你觉得怎么样 - 嘿 看看你现在的样子 - What do you think? - Hey, look at those.
- 你 你看起来很棒 - 谢谢 这就够了 - You... You look great. - Thanks. That's enough.
- 好吧 我知道自己的胸围 - 好吧 - Well, I know my boobs. - Okay.
- 我们可以走了吗 - 当然不行 - Can we leave? - Definitely not.
都已经来了 我们才刚刚开始 We've got the whole place. We are just getting started.
第二步 展示你自己的时候到了 Step two, time to show the world who you are.
事实上 你穿的衣服让人看不出你是怎样的人 知道吗 The truth is, I don't know who you are from your clothes, okay?
你需要开始找到更适合自己的打扮 You need to start dressing more like you,
而不是像个无敌破坏王 and less like Wreck-It Ralph.
- 好吧 - 试衣间在后面那边 - Fine. - Dressing rooms are back there,
然后 呃 试穿的时候换一种心态 and, uh, maybe try on a new attitude while you're at it.
进去吧 Get in there.
我们能快一点吗 Can we please just make this quick?
好吧 下一件 Okay, next.
- 管住你裤裆里的老二哦 - 下一件 - Try to keep it in your pants. - Next.
- 不行 - 这件是目前为止我最喜欢的 - Nope. - This one might be my favorite yet.
这 这件还不赖 It... It's not that bad.
对了 太棒了 保持住这个姿势 Okay, perfect. Hold that pose.
你在拍我吗 Are you filming me?
彩排录像 为了回顾 这才是你真实的样子 Game tape, for review. This is what you look like
当你没太多顾虑的时候 就这样尽情的享受吧 when you're not overthinking things, actually having some fun.
要是被其他人看见了 我就会扯爆你的蛋蛋 If anybody ever sees this, I'll rip your nut sack off.
我会立刻扯爆它 I'll rip it right off.
- 好吧 - 扯爆它 - Okay. - Rip it.
你真的超级有攻击性 看 如果这有用的话 Super aggressive. Look, if this is gonna work,
你得高兴些 然后你就会相信我了 you gotta lighten up, and you're gonna have to trust me.
好吧 All right.
- 现在是展示自己的时候 - 好 - It's go time. - Okay.
我们开始吧 耶 Here we go. Yeah.
揉你的小腹 Rub the belly.
噢 呃噢 Oh, uh-oh.
哦 耶 走的很带感啊 Oh, yeah. You got moves.
噢 不 嗯 Oh. No. Mm.
好吧 你跳的烂舞让这变得更糟糕了 Okay, dancing makes it worse.
不 不行 还是很糟糕 No, no, still worse.
- 这个很棒吧 - 是的 是的 很好 - Is that good? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
你在跳电臀舞吗 Are you twerking?
喔 噢 Ooh. Oh.
那是什么 What's that?
噢 我的天哪 Oh, my God.
现在开始变得有点奇怪了 This is just getting weird now.
小心点 好了 嘿 Look out. Okay. Heh.
还是有点奇怪 It's a little weird now.
- 喔 耶 喔 - 好 我觉得 我觉得这就很好了 - Whoo! Yeah. Whoo! - Okay, I think... I think we're good.
我们是 不对 你在 We're... No? You're...
其实 我一直想跟你聊聊 托比 Actually, I've been meaning to talk to you, Toby.
我真的 真的很喜欢你 I'm really, really into you.
不要跟我说 跟托比说 Don't tell me. Tell Toby.
托比·塔克 我不知道你也在这儿 Toby Tucker. I didn't know you were here.
我喜欢你 I have feelings for you.
看着我 托比 Look at me, Toby.
不要看我 看着我 Don't look at me. Look at me.
用你的手搂着我 我去 Put your arm around me. Whoops.
托比 嘿 Toby, heh.
你有点兴奋了 不是吗 托比 You're a little excited, aren't you? Toby...
托比 这真是不好啊 Toby, that is unbelievably inappropriate.
不过感觉还不错 But it doesn't feel bad.
- 好吧 - 我需要和你谈谈 - Okay. - I need to talk to you.
呃 天啦 我迫不及待地想要你 托比 Oh, God, I want you so bad. Toby...
呃 我去换衣服 我们得 我们得跑路了 Uh... I'm gonna change. We should... We should go.
比安卡和韦斯是什么鬼
凯特琳
短信息来自
什么鬼 What the shit?
你勾搭错女孩了 You're messing with the wrong girl.
看起来课程 Looks like the lessons
算是有了一个好的开始 教练 are off to a real great start there, coachy.
- 噢 在这儿玩得开心吗 - 没有 - Oh, did you have fun in here? - No.
没有吗 No? Hmm.
你确定吗 You sure about that?
呃 天啦 快把它 Oh, God, please, make it...
- 快把它拿走 太糟糕了 - 哪有 - Make it go away. It's very bad. - No.
开始第三步 好吗 经常保持微笑 Step three, okay? Smile more.
你搞怪起来还挺可爱的 You're really cute when you're having fun.
所以我们确实有了一个好的开始 聪明的家伙 So we are off to a great start, smart-ass.
试一下吧 Try it on.
呃 Um...
其实我真的累了 我觉得我们还是休息一下吧 You know, I'm really tired. I think we should just take a break.
好吧 Okay.
对了 你究竟 All right, what are you
想从你的梦中情人身上得到什么 是叫托尼对吧 really looking to get out of your boy, Tony?
- 托比 - 图巴 - Toby. - Tuba?
你要帮他吹箫吗 把你的手放他的小弟弟上吗 You wanna blow his horn? Put your hand on his instrument?
- 来一点喵 喵 喵 - 呃 - Little meow, meow, meow. - Ugh.
你刚刚是笑了吗 确实是笑了 Was that a little laugh? There was a little laugh there.
- 你笑了 你绝对笑了 - 我只是抽搐了一小下 - You laughed. You did laugh. - I had a small stroke.
是吗 像是迷你老二在高潮一样 Yeah, like a midget jerking it.
你听懂了吗 因为他很小 You get it? Because he's small?
你真是 That was...
好吧 回归正题 Okay, fine.
你不敢和托比说话 对吧 Talking to Toby scares you, right?
唯一的解决方法就是直面这个问题 在此时此地 The only way to get over it is to face it right here, right now.
看到那边那个穿毛衣的家伙了吗 See Sweater Guy over there?
我要你去搭讪他并得到他的电话号码 I want you to walk over and get his phone number.
- 不可能 - 就放胆去做吧 行不 - No. - Be totally gangster about it, okay?
只需要说 “我隔着整个房间 Just say, "I could tell from
都感觉到我们可能会互相来电” across the room we might be into each other."
“现在我过来了 我感觉到了 你呢” "Now that I'm here, I know it. Your move."
- 你是第一次认识我吗 - 好吧 - Have you met me? - Okay.
我连这句话里的三个字都说不出来 I couldn't get through three words of that.
这样吧 直接走过去说 “嘿 你好啊” All right, walk over and say, "Hey there."
- “嘿 你好啊” - 去吧 - "Hey there"? - Hop up.
站起来 Get up.
很好 深呼吸 All right, deep breath.
挺起胸膛 Shoulders back.
稍微舔一下嘴唇 Lick your lips a little bit.
哎 还是别舔嘴唇了 去吧 好好露一手 Ah, don't worry about the lips. Go, strut your stuff.
- 像孔雀一样 - 嘘 - Like a peacock. - Shh!
嘿 你好啊 Hey there.
嘿 你好 Hey there.
你这么高兴是因为你嘴里有维也纳香肠 还是因为你看到我了 Is that a wiener in your mouth or are you just happy to see me?
不 这是德国小香肠 No, it's a bratwurst.
噢 是喔 不对 呃 Oh, yeah. No. Um...
不过在这个商场有卖热狗的地方吗 还是 But is there a place to get a hot dog here in this mall or...?
有啊 Yeah.
哇 这儿啊 Oh. Hey-oh.
- 这 噗 噗 - 对吧 - Tss, pfft. Pfft. - Right?
- 好吧 - 好的 - Okay - Okay
拜拜 Bye-bye.
不过你想和我一起走走吗 Did you want to go out with me, though?
去哪儿 Out where?
去 呃 约会啊 To, uh, dates?
去约会吧 去约会吗 去约会 To a date? On a date? To a date?
不是吧 No.
不去吗 好吧 No. Okay.
- 噢 你演得太好了 - 什么 - Oh, you're good. - Huh?
- 你演得太好了 - 噢 - You're good. - Oh.
摄像机在哪儿 Where are the cameras?
- 噢 当然 - 这是在拍优酷视频 对吧 - Oh, of course. - It's a YouTube video, right?
- 只是一个玩笑 - 是在拍优酷视频吗 - It's a joke. - It's a YouTube video?
谁会想要和这样的家伙约会 你是这么想的吧 Who would wanna go out with this guy, right?
- 呃 伙计 你真的演得很好 - 太感谢了 - Oh, man, you're so good. - Thank you so much.
- 谢谢你 - 我差点没看出来 - Thank you. - Totally believable.
好的 谢谢你 Great. Thank you.
- 你像这样出演过多少次了 - 很多次了 - How many hits did this get? - Lot of hits.
我今天已经试过很多回了 好了 再见 I'm taking a lot of hits today. All right, see you later.
- 太酷了 - 好了 - Cool. - Okay.
- 我能在网上哪儿找到它啊 - 耶 拜拜 - Where can I find it online? - Yep, bye.
哎 好多问题都没理我 Man, so many unanswered questions.
非常好 谢谢你的授课 Really good. Thank you so much for that, teach.
真是了不起的一堂课 我的脸都丢尽了 That was an awesome lesson. I'm humiliated.
好吧 你得这么想 这只是尝试一下 不是吗 Okay, look, it was just the tryouts, all right?
我们这是在分析你的优势和劣势 We're sizing up your strengths and weaknesses.
- 然后呢 - 然后 - And? - And...
你太糟了 希望你会喜欢猫 You're horrible. I hope you like cats.
开个玩笑 Kidding.
下一个任务是和15个男人聊天 Next mission is to talk to 15 guys.
没错 15个男人 一鼓作气 好吗 Yeah, 15 guys, without completely falling apart, okay?
继续出击 Take a few hits.
啊哈 不行 淡定 Ahem. Nope. Okay.
我能做到 这有什么难的 做就是了 I can do this. How hard could it be? Just do it.
打扰一下 我 呃 Excuse me, I, uh...
还是做不到 can't do this.
嘿 你有一个环保袋啊 Hey, I see you have a reusable bag.
你根本就不在听 You're not listening.
嘿 这儿有人坐吗 Hey, is this seat taken?
呃 你在忙啊 我晚一点再过来 Oh, you're busy. I'll come back a little later.
哇 我们总能碰上 Oh. We have to stop meeting like this.
你总是在上楼 You're always going up.
最大的优点就是它是玻璃的 Best part about it is it's glass.
当然 要随身带的话会很麻烦 Sure, it's cumbersome to carry around,
但是我并不想得乳腺癌 but I don't wanna have breast cancer
因为我一直在用塑料水杯喝水 because I'm drinking out of plastic water bottles my whole life.
但这不是很好 你知道吗 It's not really worth it, you know.
像是 在日本 它 你得走了吗 好吧 Like, in Japan, the... You have to go? Okay.
漫长的一天 对吧 Long day, huh?
太长了 Too long.
- 刚下班吗 - 算是吧 - Just get off work? - Kind of.
- 你也在这工作吗 - 噢 我在酸奶店工作 - Do you work here too? - Oh, I'm at the yogurt place.
我是加顶顾问 I'm a toppings consultant.
哇 天啦 我都不知道他们还有这个岗位 Oh, my God. I didn't even know they had those.
其实我最近选择的配料 I've actually been making a
似乎都挺糟糕的 lot of poor choices with my toppings lately.
噢 是吗 这样吧 待会给你一张我的名片 Oh, have you? Well, I got a card I can give you.
- 我叫艾伦 - 嘿 比安卡 - I'm Allen. - Hey, Bianca.
- 很高兴认识你 比安卡 - 我也是 - Nice to meet you, Bianca. - Nice to meet you.
好吧 所以 当人们挑选顶部配料时 All right, so, what's the number-one mistake
最大的错误是什么 that people make when it comes to toppings?
嗯 问得好 Ooh. Good question.
- 格兰诺拉燕麦 - 格兰诺拉燕麦吗 - Granola. - Granola?
- 你想知道原因吗 - 当然 - You wanna know why? - Yeah.
韦斯 我做到了 我刚刚拿到了那个家伙的电话号码 Wes, I did it. I just got that guy's number.
- 太棒啦 - 我知道 - Attagirl. - I know.
感觉我得奖励一下我自己 Think I deserve a little treat.
我跟你说 前17个人都让我失去希望了 你知道吗 I'm telling you, I'd really lost hope around Guy 17, you know.
直到第21个 滔滔不绝 根本没法让他停下来 Then came Guy 21. Couldn't shut him up.
- 淡定 - 真正的啰嗦鬼 - Easy. - Real chatty Cathy.
淡定 好了 先不要骄傲 Easy. All right, don't get cocky.
今天还只是第一天 Today was only day one.
虽然如此 我还是感觉很开心 所以 Still, it felt pretty good, so...
- 谢谢你 - 不客气 - Thank you. - You're welcome.
好了 既然你实现了你的承诺 All right, well, you held up your end of the bargain,
那么我想我也要兑现我的了 so I guess I will hold up mine.
这是我的化学笔记 好吧 Here are my chemistry notes, okay?
照这个做 你肯定能通过期中考试 Live by this, and you shall pass the midterm.
好吧 Yeah.
呃 Uh...
焓 熵 Enthalpy, entropy-
泡利排斥原理 Pauli exclusion principle?
- 我是 - 韦斯利 - I was... - Wesley?
- 我们能跑吗 - 她已经走过来了 - Can we run? - She's coming over.
呃 天啦 在这儿碰到你们真是太巧啦 Oh, my God. What a coincidence it is seeing you here
嘿 Hey.
所以 呃 你们两个 啊哈 So, urn, you two, huh?
我们不是 我们不是一起来的 We're not... We're not here together.
我们刚刚才在这儿遇见 We just bumped into each other here.
是的 不过 很显然 我不想成为 Yeah. No, obviously, I don't... I wouldn't wanna be...
我完全不在意 I couldn't possibly care less.
凯特琳 你能拍一下 Caitlyn, can you make sure you get a shot
- 他们在一起的镜头吗 - 当然啦 - of them together, please? - Yep.
现在这样子看起来真让人反胃 噢 That's what sucking at life looks like. Oh.
我要 呃 I'm gonna, uh...
- 我要开始学这个了 - 我得 - I'm gonna get started. - I have to...
我有一个重要的事要迟到了 I am late for an event.
- 好吧 - 所以我要 - Yeah. - So I'm gonna...
我要走这条路 Mine is this way, though.
你在干什么 What are you doing?
呃 哈 哈 哈 Ooh. Ha-ha-ha.
被你抓到了啊 我要上传照片到我的资料上 You caught me. I'm uploading pictures to my profile.
等一下 照片还没上传好 Just hang on a sec. They're still loading.
抱歉 你填资料干什么 Sorry, your profile for what?
一个交友网站 我把所有的交友网站都注册了 A dating site. I signed up for all of them.
婚恋网 和谐网 文明交友网 犹太缘 Match,eHarmony,ChristianMingle,JDate
犹太缘 你又不是犹太人 JDate? You're not Jewish.
我知道 不过这会让我显得更有异域风情 I know. That just makes me more exotic on the site.
自己给自己贴标签 Note to self.
好了 我们开始吧 这是我的资料照片 Okay, here we go. Here's my profile pic.
- 说说你的想法 残忍一点也没事 - 好的 - Tell me what you think. Be brutal. - Okay.
噢 呃 这张看起来像书封面 你要用这张吗 Oh, uh, you're gonna use the book picture?
噢 太正式了吗 Oh, is it too formal?
嗯 是有一点 Well, it is a little...
好吧 不用那张的话那这样呢 Well, it's either that or
所有摆鸭头姿势的人都是这样做的 all the duck-head poses people do on here.
呃 别 别 Oh, no, no.
我的天啊 这是“鸭子脸”哎 永远不要这么做了 Dear God, it's "Duck face," And stop that forever.
好吧 我只是想 All right. I'm just trying to
多了解一点这些东西 这些 嗯 风情万种的姿势 get more of these things, these, uh, flirties.
嗯 这对我来说是一个艰难的谈话啊 Hmm. This is a tough conversation for me.
让我们专注到照片上吧 嗯 我们开始吧 Let's focus on the picture. Uh, here we go.
呃 看这个 双臂交叉头部微仰 太经典了 Oh, look, arm-fold head-tilt. That's a classic.
我觉得我们还能找到更好的 I think we can find something better.
让我们再看看 哦耶 这张怎么样 Let's see. Oh, yeah, what about this one?
- 这张很好 - 嗯 呵呵 - This is a good one. - Aw, heh.
那是在佛罗里达拍的 感觉都过了好久了 That was Florida. Seems like a long time ago.
- 是啊 你看起来是那么的惬意和幸福 - 是的 我那时是这样 - Yeah, you look so relaxed and happy. - Yeah, well, I was.
- 大功告成 - 谢谢 - There you go. - Thank you.
这个女孩肯定会吸引无数眼球的 This girl's gonna have the flirties rolling in.
过段时间就知道了 这一切对我来说还很陌生 Well, we'll see. This is all so new for me.
好吧 看来好像我们都在尝试新的事情 Well, it seems like we're both trying new things, then.
我想说的是 我对一个男生产生了很传统的喜爱之情 What I'm talking about is a good old-fashioned crush on a boy.
- 噢 - 是的 他的名字是托比 - Oh. - Yeah, his name is Toby.
托比 Toby.
是的 我不知道如何让他注意到我 Yeah, I was kind of having trouble getting him to notice me,
所以我给自己找了个老师 so I've brought on a sensei.
韦斯利·拉什 Wesley Rush.
韦斯利·拉什 Wesley Rush?
- 隔壁家的那位 - 好吧 - From next door? - Okay.
亲爱的 你为什么不去找杰西和凯西呢 Honey, why don't you just go to Jess and Casey?
你总是相信她们的建议 You always trust their advice.
我认为我得扩大自己的社交圈子 I just thought I'd branch out.
好吧 Okay.
实际上 我想说 最近发生了一些事 我有点 Actually, I mean, what had happened was, I was at...
找个老师是你的主意吗 Was this sensei thing your idea?
- 呃 是的 但是我 - 很好 - Uh, yeah, but I... - Good.
这意味着你现在精神混乱 难以做决定 That means you're being mentally tough in making decisions.
我上一本书有一半都是在讲这些 That's what half of my last book was about.
当你变得积极主动 你的问题就会变小 When you become proactive, your problems become subtractive,
然后好的事情就会接连发生 and then good things are bound to happen.
哇 好的 增加多一点自信 困难就会少一点 Wow, okay. Little of the old proactive, subtractive.
明白了 我会记得的 如果你不再摆出一副老鸭脸的话 Got it. I'll remember that if you remember no more duck face.
- 不摆鸭头造型 - 是鸭脸 - No duck head. - Duck face.
噢 我收到一个搭讪 Oh, I got a flirty.
真是好运 多蒂 Mazel tov, Dottie.
你在返校舞会时要穿什么 Do you know what you're wearing for homecoming yet?
因为我找不到别的东西穿 你认为应该穿短的还是长的 Because I can't find anything. Do you think short, long?
你觉得呢 What do you think?
尽管我想念我的前任好友们 但我妈妈说的是对的 Despite missing my ex-best friends, my mom was right.
我能感觉到好的事情将要发生 I could sense that good things were about to happen.
走吧 Come on.
- 已经两周了 这真是太疯狂了 我知道 - It's been 2 weeks. This is crazy. - I know.
“丑伴友发情咯”
托比·塔克 我爱你很长时间了 Toby Tucker, I've loved you for a long time.
查克先生 Mr. Tucker.
韦斯利 Wes.
噢 我的天 好大的屁股 Oh, my God. Big, fat ass.
阔载公交
脂肪团
大屁股 噢 Big, fat ass. Ew.
大象腿
摇摆 摇摆 摇摆 Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle.
幸好它只有六个观看量 At least it only has six views.
噢 托比 别停下来 Oh, Toby, don't stop.
别停下来 Don't stop.
我想做你的老婆 I wanna be your wife.
托比小心被尾随
我们看起来怎么样 我们看起来怎么样 How do we look together? How do we look together?
托比小心被尾随
- 是不是最漂亮的一对 - 噢 我的天 - The most beautiful couple? - Oh, my God.
那是比安卡·派珀吗 Is that Bianca Piper?
是的 噢 我的天 那真是太恐怖了 Yep. Oh, my God, that is so horrible.
如果那个人是我 而且还让那么多人看到了 我会疯的 I would hate it if that was me and many people saw this.
- 这我必须得转 - 我也是 - I should totally forward this. - Me too.
- 扩吗 - 扩 - Viral? - Viral.
噢 托比 Oh, Toby.
你看那个视频底下的评论了吗 Did you read the comments on that video?
看了 评论说“那个模特和一个屌丝女啪啪啪了” Yeah. It says, "That mannequin just made out with a five."
噢 我的天 他叫她屌丝女 哈哈 Oh, my God, he called her a five. Ha, ha.
“比安卡·派珀的屁股证明了恐怖主义的胜利” "Bianca Piper's ass means the terrorists have won."
噢 我为托比感到难过 Ouch. I feel bad for Toby.
“3点半给托比来个快闪表演”吗 "Flash mob hump session on Toby at 3:30"?
他肯定会难堪死的 He's gotta be so embarrassed.
他的高三生活肯定惨了 His senior year is going to suck.
呃 他们肯定没擦过那些镜子 Ugh, they do not clean those mirrors.
- 噢 这真是太糟糕了 - 随便啦 - Oh, that is awful. - Whatever.
听着 当初是她要跟我们断交的 杰西 Listen, she's the one that ended things with us, Jess.
我爱你的双眼 他们如此 - 把这玩意儿弄走 I love your eyes. They're so... - Just make that go away.
托比 - 凯西 把这个网站给黑了 快 Toby... - Casey, shut the site down now.
好的 没问题 Okay, fine.
噢 我的 Oh, my...
你了解比安卡 You know Bianca well. Do
你认为是她把这个发出去来吸引注意的吗 you think she'd put this up to get attention?
不太可能 Not likely.
我们在一起看起来不是很可爱吗 Don't we just look so cute together?
无法获取这段视频
对此很抱歉
噢 Ooh.
问题解决了 Problem solved.
解决个屁 Solved my ass.
这个学校 整个学校 都充满了网络欺凌 This school, this entire school, is filled with cyber bullies.
你知道那是什么意思吗 那些报复性的视频 Do you know what that means? That means retaliation videos.
评论 推特之类的 Comments, likes, Tweets, memes,
还有他们相互之间做出的其他鬼事情 and whatever the hell else they do to each other nowadays.
这学校就像一个监狱 It's like a prison yard out there.
看 难道你不认为你有点反应过度了吗 Look, don't you think you're overreacting just a little bit?
你没看过日界线吗 Have you not seen Dateline?
日界线是一档新闻节目
鲶鱼 美少女的谎言 Catfish? Pretty Little Liars?
Catfish是一档讲述社交网络上的真实与谎言的 Pretty Little Liar是一个悬疑题材的电视剧
- 什么 - 没什么 - What? - Nothing.
听着 我们在这行干了多年 Look, having had experience in this area,
我认为我们应该 I think we gotta deal with
私底下谨慎地处理这件事 this in a way that's private and sensitive.
是 是的 我们不和恐怖分子谈判 Yes, yes, we do not negotiate with terrorists.
这和我刚刚说的正好相反 That is the opposite of what I just said.
注意 同学们 我们神圣的校园 Attention, students. The halls of our prestigious institution
过去曾向丑恶的网络欺凌妥协 have been compromised by the stench of cyber bullying.
就是这些丑恶的0和1 It is the stench of ones and zeroes
和一些可能是在中国的某个地方被制造的电子硬件设备 and electronic hardware probably manufactured somewhere in China.
我们将不再容忍这些“三秒真男人的小恐怖分子们” But these "YOLO terrorists" will not be tolerated.
马洛高中现在起将对互联网戒严 Malloy High will now be put under Internet martial law.
太好了 That's right.
每一位学生都得 Each student will be required
上交他们的手机给老师 to turn in their phones to
手机将会在今天放学时归还 teachers and retrieve at the end of the day
这会持续到我们查出这件事的根源为止 until we have gotten to the bottom of this.
都没有手机了 噢 听到了吗 小混蛋们 No more phone. Oh, can you hear me now, jerks?
你们没有Vine 没有Flickr 没有Tumblr There will be no Vine, no Flickr, no Tumblr,
没有Tinder 没有Facebook 没有Hulu no Tinder, no Facebook, no Hulu...
Tinder是一款约会(pao)软件 Hulu是一个观看正版影视节目的视频网站
- 跟互联网说不 - 我不明白 - Just say no Internet. - I don't get it.
没有Grindr 没有Whatsapp 没有Instrgram 没有Pinterest No Grindr, no WhatsApp, no Instagram, no Pinterest,
Grindr是一款同性交友软件
没有Wiki等任何东西 no wiki anything.
讲话完毕 That is all.
加油吧 蓝魔们 Fight on, Blue Devils.
噢 并且记住 这会让一切变得更好 Oh, and remember, it gets better.
- 什么 - 你们听到他说的了 - What? - You heard him.
把你们的手机扔进箱子里 Drop them in the box.
你们能在放学后拿回你们的手机 也许 You can pick them up after school, maybe.
老天 我等这一刻等了好久 God, I've waited a long time for this.
全部手机 罗伯特 All of them, Robert.
嗯哼 Mm-hm.
所有 All of them.
谢谢 Thank you.
我听见的嗡嗡声是什么东西 What's that buzzing I hear?
该死 Dick.
嘴巴放干净点 That's gross.
噢 我不认为我也是他所说的人 Oh, I don't think he meant me too.
按“发送” 然后扔进来 Hit "Send," Drop.
在90年代我上高中那会 我们可没有这么多的表情符号 When I went to high school in the '90s, we didn't have emoticons.
我们只有实际的面部表情 We had actual facial expressions.
好好研究它 Look into it.
怎么了 缉毒警察 What's up, narc?
我不仅仅是这个学校里有名的丑伴友 Not only was I the school's most famous DUFF,
如今也是学校里最不被喜欢的一个人 I was now the least-liked person in it.
谢谢你毁了我的生活 比安卡 Thanks for destroying my life. Bianca
我刚想出了些趣事儿 I just thought of something funny,
但没人会知道了 希望这能让你开心 and now nobody's gonna know. Hope you're happy.
这些都是没用的 These are useless.
事情已经变得不能再糟糕了 It could not have gotten worse.
噢 不一定 Oh, wait.
当然可以更糟糕 Of course it could.
是的 马特和我 最后一杯 来干了 Yeah, Matt and I, last cup, boom, hit it.
你现在开心了 You happy now?
这是不是你的课程之一 Is this one of your lessons?
嘿 欲求不满的女人 在生理课上我给你找了个新男友 Hey, dummy humper, I found you a new boyfriend in health class.
这也是托比 This is Toby too.
你怎么认为 What do you think?
噢 托比 Oh, Toby.
噢 把你的大雕给我 托比 Oh, just give it to me, Toby.
噢 就这么一点吗 噢 他很黄的 Oh, just a little pinch right there. Just... Oh, he's dirty.
噢 他打算上我 托比 Oh, he's going to town on me, Toby.
噢 托比 - 你打算做些什么吗 Oh, Toby. - Are you gonna do anything?
你是我特别的小托比 我要把你带回家陪我 You're my special little Toby. I can take you home with me.
胸看起来不错 新的胸罩吗 Boobs look good. New bra?
非常感谢 Thanks a lot.
噢 桃子和梨子 Oh, peaches and pears.
- 我能吃桃子和梨子吗 - 好了 - Can I have peaches and pears? - Okay.
嘿 比安卡 我是韦斯利 Hey, Bianca, it's Wesley.
嘿 听我说 我只是 我想说 Hey, look, I just... I wanted to say that...
我能进来吗 Can I come in?
嗯哼 Mm-hm.
我活该 I deserved that.
给你 Here.
我保证 我没有发这段视频 好吗 I promise, I didn't send the video, okay?
我无意中听到了麦迪逊向她的朋友吹嘘这事 I overheard Madison bragging about it to her friends.
那个角度都不是从我坐的地方拍的 I mean, the angles weren't even from where I was sitting.
为什么你的手受伤了 Why is your hand messed up?
好吧 你不是今天唯一一个 Well, you're not the only
到处去打人的人 one running around punching people today.
没人看过这个视频 你去告诉所有人 No one else sees that video. Tell everyone.
我不认识那么多人 I don't know that many people.
好吧 去多交些朋友然后告诉他们 Well, make some more friends and tell them.
什么 What?
嗯 Mm.
谢谢 Thanks.
还从来没有人为了我跑去打人 I've never had anybody go on a punching spree for me before.
嗯 别把这个当成习惯了 Well, don't get used to it.
现在有传言说我是打激素打多了 Now there's rumors going around I'm on 'roids.
- 难道你不是吗 - 好吧 不管那么多了 - Aren't you? Heh. - Well, irregardless...
- 这都不是个单词 - 好吧 不管那些 - Not a word. - Well, irregardless of that...
- 一件小小的求和礼物 - 噢 我的天 - A little peace offering. - Oh, my God.
韦尔斯 是那条裙子吗 Wes, the dress?
你没必要这样做 You didn't have to do this.
我根本不应该叫你丑伴女 好吗 I never should've called you the DUFF, okay?
那真是太愚蠢了 That was stupid.
- 我们和好吧 - 嗯 我们和好 - We good? - We're good.
谢谢 Thank you.
你知道现在什么是最糟的吗 我今天看到托比了 You know what's not good is I saw Toby today.
他几乎都不看我一眼 He could barely look at me.
我想 我应该会 给他写很长很长的信 I think I'm just gonna, like, write him a really long letter
向他表示我的歉意 just apologizing profusely
还有 你知道的 也许送他点水果花篮什么的 and, you know, maybe send him an Edible Arrangement.
停 停 水果花篮 Stop, stop. Edible Arrangement?
听我说 你没有必要为任何事抱歉好吗 Look, you don't have to apologize for anything, okay?
- 第六步 - 让我们放弃这些个教程吧 - Step six... - Let's let the steps go.
第六步 就这样 鼓起勇气来 Step six. Just own it. Grow some balls.
告诉他你知道这个视频很糟糕 Tell him you know the video sucks,
但你是真的喜欢他 别再想视频的事儿了 but you're into him, and to deal with it.
如果他还是那样 他就是个混蛋 And if he's still weird, he's a jackass.
有时候就是这么简单 Sometimes it's that simple.
现在 我得学习赫士定律 Now, I'm off to study Hess' law
并且研究下焓的化学变化 哎 and how it relates to enthalpic chemical change. Aww.
你是谁 你对韦尔斯做了什么 Who are you and what have you done with Wes?
或者也许我去谷歌一下明星走光 好好研究下 Or maybe I'll Google celeb nip slips. Curtains open.
- 这才是那个韦尔斯 - 明天见 - There he is. - See you tomorrow.
再见 See you.
- 孩子们 来取走你们的电话吧 - 谢谢 - Here are your phones, kids. - Thank you.
- 谢谢 - 噢耶 - Thanks. - Oh, yeah.
谢谢 Thanks.
大家来把手机拿回去 Everyone, get your phones.
谢谢 Thank you.
嘿 不用谢 Hey, you're welcome.
嘿你好 Hey there.
嘿 比安卡 Hey, Bianca.
能抽空跟粉丝聊几句吗 Got a second to talk to a fan?
当然 有什么事吗 Yeah, sure, what's up?
我想你看过那段视频 I'm assuming you've seen the video.
- 呵 是的 - 呃 那视频是真的 - Heh. Yeah. - Um, it's true.
我喜欢你 I am into you.
所以我想我应该坦率一点 And so I thought I should just be straightforward
当面来跟你说 and tell you to your face.
哇 Wow.
我受宠若惊 I'm flattered.
也很感动 哈哈 And impressed. Ha, ha.
不是所有人都有胆子这么说的 Not a lot of people would have the balls to say all that.
嗯 我就是这么有胆子 Well, that's my whole thing.
- 大大的有胆子 - 哈哈 是的 - Big old balls. - Ha, ha. Right.
我想这应该是 I think this is the first
我们两个第一次真正交谈吧 time that you and I have ever really talked.
还挺不错的 It's kind of nice.
是的 真好 Yeah, it is.
- 好吧 那么 - 好吧 - All right, well... - Okay.
- 嗯 所以 - 那么 呃 - Well, yeah. - So, uh...
- 那 回见 - 好的 - I'll, uh, see you around. - Okay.
- 好的 - 谢谢 - All right. - Thanks.
- 再见 - 拜 哈哈 - See you. - Bye. Ha, ha.
拜 我们同时说的 Bye. We said it at the same time.
- 再见 - 再见 - Bye-bye. - Bye.
噢 我去 Oh, shit.
我们可以 呃 找个时间一起走走 We should, uh, hang out sometime.
好啊 我很乐意 Yeah, I'd like that.
- 这周五怎样 - 这周五 嗯 - How's this Friday? - This Friday, hmm,
嗯 对我来说挺好的 可以 is, uh, gonna be fine for me. It's good.
好极了 到我家碰头怎么样 Cool. Meet at my house?
- 7点吗 - 是的 7点挺好 - Seven o'clock? - Yes, 7 is good.
- 好的 - 再见 - All right. - See you.
- 再见 哈哈哈 - 拜 - Bye. Ha-ha-ha. - Bye.
拜 Bye.
- 韦斯 - 嘿 - Wes. - Hey.
- 搞什么鬼 - 你们尴尬了吗 - What the hell? - You embarrassed?
- 现在你们知道这是什么感觉了 - 谁 是谁放她进来的 - Now you know how it feels. - Whoa, who let her in?
- 韦斯 - 喔噢 比安卡 你这是在干什么 - Wes? - Whoa, Bianca, what the hell is this?
啊 看起来像是老二 只是小了点 Ah, kind of looks like a penis, only smaller.
韦斯 Wes?
哇 跑到男更衣室来了 真有你的 Wow, boys' locker room. Nice.
噢 呃 Oh, uh...
我有事情要跟你说 I need to talk to you about something.
- 所以 - 嗯 什么 - So... - Mm-hm. What?
- 你有问题要问吗 - 是的 别那样动 - You have a question? Hmm? - Yeah. Don't do that.
- 唔 有问题吗 有吗 - 呃 呵 - Hmm? Question? You do. - Uh... Heh.
- 别动了 - 你不是吧 - Stop. - You don't.
哈哈 快出来 拜托 我有很重要的事 Ha, ha. Come on, please. It's important.
- 你想怎样 - 我们走吧 - What do you want? - Let's go.
- 好吧 -呃 - Okay. - Ugh.
- 所以你约他了 - 是的 - So you asked him out? - Yeah.
- 那真是太棒了 - 是啊 - That's awesome. - Yeah.
有什么问题吗 What's the problem?
如果你非得知道 就是我从没真正约会过 If you must know, I've never been on an actual date before.
好吧 好吧 坐下 坐下 Okay, okay. Sit down, sit down.
我们来解决这个问题 来吧 好了 We got this. Come here. All right.
第七步 约会 对 我们得定个计划 Step seven: The date. Okay, we need a plan.
你觉得橄榄球队员在操场上跑来跑去是没有策略的吗 You think a football team runs on the field without a strategy?
呃 唔 Eh... Mm.
- 当然 他们有战略 - 是的 他们当然有 - Exactly, no. Of course they don't. - No, of course they don't.
要想约会得很火热 最后啪啪啪 You want this date to end
你就得提前做好打算 with you making out, you need to think ahead.
那么 告诉我你们准备去怎样的餐厅 So give me the vibe of the restaurant you're going for.
好吧 我想去个时髦点的 Okay, I'm thinking something kind of trendy,
你知道 带点新潮的 也许特别一点的 you know, kind of hipster, maybe unique?
- 明白了 D&B餐厅 - 什么 - Done. Dave & Buster's. - Huh?
- 有抓娃娃机的那个吗 - 没错 - The place with the metal claw game? - You bet your ass.
好了 你 托比 我们开始吧 Okay, you, Toby. Let's get started.
最糟的情况就是 Worst scenario is if you get
你们面对面坐着 中间隔着张桌子 seated at a table right across from each other.
如果两个人之间隔了三英尺 and no one's making out
那他们就亲热不起来 很简单的距离问题 if they're three feet apart. Simple geology.
你得要个包厢 知道吗 更好调情 You need a booth, okay? It's better for flirting,
先是带点刻意的抚摸和亲热 然后好戏就开始了 not-so-accidental touching, making out. Game on.
哇哦 我都不知道 Wow, I had no idea guys
你这样的男生竟然会好好研究这种东西 like you even thought about this kind of stuff.
好吧 那是因为你歧视运动员 Well, that's because you're
你是个运动歧视者 racist against jocks. You're a jock-cist.
好吧 继续说 Okay, moving on.
好 那你怎样酝酿好用餐时的气氛呢 Okay, so how do you set the tone at dinner?
灯光很重要 知道吗 包厢里越暗越好 Lighting matters, okay? The darker the booth, the better.
灯光 微暗的包厢 知道了 然后呢 Lighting, dark booth. Got it. What's next?
肢体语言 Body language.
他有没有向你这边倾 Is he leaning in?
- 他有没有越来越靠近你 - 我不知道 - Is he sitting close? - I don't know...
然后就剩下互动了 And then it's all about interaction.
他有没有试图跟你套近乎 Is he trying to impress you?
有没有称赞你 Does he say complimentary things to you?
如果有 那十有八九是他在采取行动 If yes, chances are he's gonna make his move.
然后 释放激情吧 And touchdown.
韦斯 Wes.
我一直想在教练黑板上画丁丁来着 I always wanted to do that to the coach's board.
它看起来很大是因为它被画在黑板上 It's big because it's on a chalkboard.
我们得走了 来吧 我们走吧 走吧 We gotta go. Come on. Let's go, let's go.
嘿 陪衬女王 想给我秀一下你的舞姿吗 Hey, DUFF queen, wanna show me some of them moves?
嘘 Shh.
- 比安卡 - 嗯 - Bianca? - Yes.
那视频确实激动人心啊 吃屎去吧 The video was hysterical. Eat a dick.
谢了 我刚吃了个百吉饼 已经饱了 Thanks. I just had a bagel, though, so I'm full.
亚瑟先生 我真的很抱歉 我 Mr. Arthur, I'm really sorry. I...
不 别担心 我们边走边说吧 No, don't worry about it. Step into my hallway.
我并不是厚此薄彼 但你是我最喜欢的学生 I don't play favorites, but you're my favorite.
你有没有听过这句话“笔杆子比枪杆子更硬” You ever heard the phrase "The pen is mightier than the sword"?
是的 从这件事上看 Yeah, and in this case,
那些匿着名随便喷人的小屁孩们 a bunch of kids anonymously typing whatever comments they want
就像原子弹一样 feels like an atomic bomb,
言论确实比枪更有杀伤力 and that's definitely mightier than a sword.
所以 好好写一篇关于返校舞会的文章 So make your writing have a positive effect.
让它给你带来正面效应吧 As in a certain homecoming article that's due.
噢 拜托 亚瑟先生 Oh, please, Mr. Arthur,
我最不想做的就是 the last thing I wanna do is go to a place
去一个所有人都讨厌我的地方 然后还要把它记下来 where everybody hates me and then write about it.
我选你是有理由的 I picked you for a reason.
不管你写得怎样 And whatever you write,
我都会把它放在头版 所以 好好写 I'm running it as our lead, so make it count.
要传递正能量 记着 笔杆子比枪杆子更硬 Inspire us. Remember, the pen is mightier than the sword.
西蒙 把你的手指从那儿拿开 Simon, get your finger out of there.
你又不是我爸 You're not my father.
我就是你爸 西蒙 Yes, I am your daddy, Simon.
你想要我说些什么 我没什么好说的 What do you want me to say? I have nothing to say.
我做了家里所有的事, 但你却什么也不干 I do everything around this house, and you don't do...
- 噢 又开始了 - 怎么 这可都是事实 - Oh, here we go. - Well, it's the truth.
韦斯利 能开个门吗 Wesley, will you get the door?!
噢 别冲他大吼大叫 跟他没关系 Oh, don't yell at him. He has nothing to do with this.
省省吧 好吗 亲爱的 Save it for therapy, okay, honey?
- 韦斯利 去开门 - 好了 够了 我知道了 - Wesley, get the door! - Okay, enough, I got it.
嘿 准备好去学习 Hey, ready to go get down
- 化学电子了吗 - 走吧 - with some bro-valent electrons? - Yeah.
- 你想谈谈吗 - 我不想谈 - Do you wanna talk about it? - I'd like to not talk.
嗯 好吧 我知道一个很好的地方 Hmm. Well, I know just the place.
你现在明白我为什么那么需要奖学金了吧 You see why I need that scholarship?
嘿 比比 我们到底要去哪里 Hey, B, where the hell are we going?
我的秘密基地 你等下就知道了 My special place. You'll see.
- 你是准备在这里把我干掉吗 -哈哈 是的 - Is this where you kill me? - Ha, ha. Yes.
永远不会有人找到你的 They're never gonna find you out here.
啊哈 Aha.
这是思考石 I give you Think Rock.
- 怎么样 - 哇 呃 - Huh? - Wow. Um...
会有什么神奇的事发生吗 What happens here?
嗯 它会震撼你的心灵 坐上来 Well, it's gonna blow your mind, but sit on the rock.
- 呃 - 好了 好了 - Unh. - Good, good.
然后你可以开始思考了 And then you think.
试试 Try it.
你怎么找到这个地方的 How'd you find this place?
我以前经常和派珀一起来这里 I used to run up here a lot with Piper,
她每次都直接往这里来 and she would always make a direct beeline to this rock.
我记得派珀 I remember Piper.
她现在怎么样 How's she doing?
她应该蛮好的吧 I guess she's okay.
我爸妈离婚的时候 我妈妈想要我的抚养权 When my parents got divorced, my mom wanted custody of me,
我爸爸只想要他的狗 and my dad wanted custody of the dog.
- 哇 - 是的 所以我想 - Wow. - Yeah, so I think that
总之就是这样了 pretty much sums it up right there.
你的 Are your...?
- 你爸妈会离婚吗 - 天呐 但愿如此 - Are your parents gonna get divorced? - God, I hope so.
我只是 我 I just... I...
没事的 It's okay.
有很多破事 It's not okay.
会好起来的 But it will be.
我保证 I promise.
我 对不起 我没有 I'm... I'm sorry, I didn't...
噢 不 没关系 我 Oh. No, I... It's okay, I...
- 什么 呃 你是不是 - 那个 你知道吗 - What, um...? Were you...? - That... You know what?
那只是 呃 那只是练习 That was... Uh, that was practice.
不好意思 练习什么 Sorry, practice for...?
练习第八步 对吧 为了 为了计划 For step eight, okay, for... Of the plan.
那只是为了让你有亲热的经验 That was practice in case
而进行的练习 you hadn't made out with anyone in a while.
是吗 Huh.
这全是为了那个计划吗 It's all part of the plan?
只是练习 只是游击式的练习吗 It's just practice, just a guerrilla-style practice session?
- 偷袭 - 嗯 嗯 - Sneak attack. - Hm, hm.
真的吗 Really?
嗯 好吧 Mm-hm, okay.
你刚刚是有那种感觉吗 Is that what it felt like?
我没有任何亲热的经验什么的 That I hadn't made out with anyone in a while or whatever?
嗯 我是说 我是个比较喜欢舌吻的人 但是 Well, I mean, I'm more of a tongue guy myself, but...
不用你说 我觉得你的舌头像是要从屁眼里伸出去一样 You don't say? I think I felt it poking out my butthole.
- 哈哈哈 - 都伸到我的喉咙那里了 哈哈 - Ha-ha-ha. - So far down my throat. Ha, ha.
你是在给我接吻的建议吗 Are you giving me kissing advice?
是哦 我是在给你建议 Man, I guess I am.
- 比比 - 怎么 你需要我的建议 - B. - You need it.
那就是接吻的感觉 That's how people kiss.
呃 可能在色情电影里面是这样的 Uh, in porn, maybe.
怎么扯上色情电影了 What's wrong with porn?
如果这是色情电影 If this was a porn movie,
我们就不会坐在石头上聊天的 we wouldn't be sitting on a rock having a conversation.
你懂的 你应该给我送个披萨 You know, you'd be bringing me a pizza
或者是 呃 你懂的 帮我清扫水池 or, um, you know, cleaning my pool.
你看的色情电影是有多古老啊 How old is the porn you're watching?
那不是 那不会 现在才不会那样做 That doesn't... That's not... That's not even a thing anymore.
- 现在不这样做了吗 - 哈哈 - They don't do that? - Ha, ha.
好了 听着 All right, you know what?
我要教你一课 I'm gonna give you a lesson.
免费教你 第一份总是免单嘛 It's gonna be free. The first one's always free.
过来 我来告诉你女生想要怎样的吻 All right, this is how girls like to be kissed.
- 我们要亲吗 - 来亲吧 - We're doing this? - We're doing this.
- 闭眼 哈 - 呵 - Close your eyes. Ha, ha. - Heh.
- 闭上了 - 好的 好了 靠过来 - Ready. - Okay, okay. Lean in.
嘿噢 慢一点 好吗 要酝酿气氛 Hey-oh. Go slow, okay? Let the tension build.
你还有好多要学的呢 So much to learn.
- 好了 准备好了吗 - 没准备好 - Okay, ready? - No.
好了 现在慢慢靠近 Okay, now lean in.
慢一点 Slow.
噢 不 Oh, no.
这才是真正的接吻 That was a good one.
- 你真是会亲啊 - 哈哈哈 - You are a phenomenal kisser. - Ha-ha-ha.
- 谢谢表扬 我们女生就喜欢这样的 - 这算什么 - Thank you. That's how we like it. - What is that?
有没有感觉好一点 Are you feeling a little better?
- 有没有 - 嗯 好吧 好了一点点 - Hmm? - Yeah, okay, a little bit.
不用感谢我 You're welcome.
起来吧 我们走 Come on, let's go.
我们还得去学周期表呢 We have a date with the periodic chart.
周期表只会告诉我 The only periodic chart I know is the one that tells me
一个月内什么时候能避开麦迪逊 嘿 what time of the month to avoid Madison. Hey!
我才不要在这种事上跟你庆祝 I'm not gonna high-five you on that.
别这样 这是高科技笑话 Come on, science jokes.
知道他们怎么评价“隔山有眼”吗 Know how they say "The hills have eyes"?
喔 原来林子里藏了个小贱人 Well, it turns out the shrubs have bitches
她把我们从头到尾都拍了下来 - 噢 走这边 who videotape everything. - Oh, here we go.
不 不走那边 Well, you don't.
你被踢到过蛋蛋吗 Ever been kicked in the nuts?
噢 天 你什么都能往那方面提 Oh, God, you always come back with that.
- 嘿 比比 - 麦迪逊 你好啊 - Hey, B. - Madison, how are you?
你想不想看个好东西 过来 Do you wanna see something hysterical? Hold on.
看看这个 Watch this.
“商场小荡妇”
你看到那家伙看你的眼神吗 Did you see the way that guy looked at you?
- 这里最搞笑了 - （男人）当然不是 - This part's the best. - MAN: Definitely not.
“失败者”
等等 看看你的表情 哈哈 Wait, just look at your face. Ha, ha.
噢 别担心 嗯 这个名字还没定 Oh, don't worry, um, it's a working title.
告诉你 我在考虑 You know, I was thinking
是用“零售小荡妇”还是就直接用“卖淫小贱货” maybe "Retail slut" Or just "Slut whore."
你是不是以为之前那个视频很糟 You thought the first video was bad.
骚年 这一个更是可以把你毁到渣都不剩 Boy, this one's gonna destroy you.
你到底想要什么 What do you want from me?
噢 我其实觉得 Oh, I think it's adorable
韦斯利放任你和他亲热还挺可爱的 that Wesley indulged you in a pity make-out.
噢 不 不 Oh, no, no.
我不知道你为什么会这样 I don't even know how you...
但是 我们并不是你想的那样 But it... That wasn't what it looked like.
是啊 别扯淡了 你们当然不是那种关系 Yeah, no shit, it's not.
因为我们就要和好了 Because Wesley and I are getting back together.
- 嗯 韦斯利知道你们要和好了吗 - 他会知道的 - Hmm. Is Wesley aware of this? - He will be made aware.
- 听着 比安卡 我已经尽力对你友善了 - 有吗 - Look, Bianca, I've tried to be nice. - Have you?
嘘 那我就直接说吧 Shh. So let me put this a little differently.
我不喜欢我的前男友被人勾搭 I don't like people thinking of my ex-boyfriend
尤其是跟你这种人约会 hitting it with someone like you.
你要知道 The thing you have to understand
高中发生的事情将伴随我们一生 is what happens in high school is gonna stay with us forever.
很多人不以为然 Most people don't think that,
但其实他们都是些失败者 but then again, most people are losers.
- 嗯 好有道理啊 - 像我这种大美女才会引人注目 - Mm. Fascinating. - People like me matter here.
像你这种 没人会看你一眼 People like you will never matter.
所以 不要再掺和在我们中间了 你差太多了 So stop messing it up for those of us who do.
数学课上见 See you in math.
要是在以前 她这样的威胁 In the past, her threat alone
就足以让我躲在床底下了 would've been enough to make me hide under my bed.
但我根本就没想勾搭韦斯利·拉什 But I wasn't even trying to hook up with Wesley Rush.
我简直无法想象 I couldn't even imagine it.
我欲火焚身了 I'm horny for sex.
- 噢 - 噢 嘿 - Oh! - Oh, hey.
有人需要清扫水池吗 Someone's pool need cleaning?
我还带来了披萨 Also I brought pizza.
我想和妹子们啪啪啪 And I like to have sex with girls.
我就是个妹子 I'm a girl.
- 噢 - 嗯 - Ow. - Hmm.
好吧 也许我可以想像一下 Okay, maybe I could imagine it,
但我得好好专注于和托比的约会 but I had to stay focused on my Toby mission.
约会之夜 我鼓足所有勇气 Date night. I worked up all my courage
穿上韦斯利送我的裙子 and tried on the dress Wesley gave me.
我的脑海中一直期待着能像灰姑娘一样变身 In my head, I think I was expecting some big reality-show reveal.
就这样吧 All right.
不过这就是我 But it was just me.
穿裙子的我 Me in a dress.
妈 我要隆重地去赴约啦 Ma, I'm off to my big night.
哇哦 瞧瞧你 Whoa, look at you.
哇哦 瞧瞧你 Wow, look at you.
你没有穿长裤套装 Look at you not in a pantsuit.
是啊 我要第一次和网友约会了 I know. I have my first Internet date.
我们都喜欢泰国菜 We both like Thai food,
我们都是四肢发达型 但都不想承认这点 are athletically toned and lying about it.
噢 我的天 Oh, my God.
- 你穿这裙子很漂亮 - 谢谢 - That dress is beautiful on you. - Thanks.
- 韦斯送给我的 - 噢 你俩晚上准备怎么过 - Wes gave it to me. - Oh, what are you two doing tonight?
噢 不 呃 不是 我不是和韦斯约会 Oh, no, heh, not... I'm not going out with Wes.
我是和托比约会 托比才是我喜欢的那个男生 I'm going out with Toby. Toby's the guy that I like.
不错啊 那应该很好玩 Right, well, that should be fun.
是啊 其实我现在有点紧张 Yeah. I actually kind of feel nervous about it
我觉得我可能会表现得很二 just because I feel like I might say something stupid,
- 并且我不知道什么时候 - 亲爱的 停 - and I don't really know when... - Honey, stop.
放手 自信 成功 Believe, retrieve, achieve.
这是我宣扬的口号 It is a mantra that I teach all of my clients
我把这口号教给所有那些会怯场的客户 who suffer from performance anxiety.
学会放下过去 Believe it happened yesterday.
重新找回自信 Retrieve your confidence.
成功实现目标 Achieve your goals.
- 不要胡思乱想 - 嗯 - Just don't conceive. - Mm.
好 好的 我要去重拾自信 迎接成功了 Okay. Well, I'm off to do some believing and hopefully achieving.
- 爱你 玩得开心 - 还要准备些什么吗 - Love you, have fun. - Unless there was something else.
不用 我可以的 再见 好好玩哦 Nope, I'm good. See you, have fun.
嘿 你在这儿啊 Hey, look at you.
看起来真像是个好学生啊 Studying almost like you were a real student.
其实 我是在等某人过来 Actually, I'm just waiting for strangers to walk by
让她看看我有多厉害 so I can show them this bad boy.
嘿噢 Hey-oh!
噢 我还会再拿高分的 滚粗吧科学 Oh, you're not the only B in my life. Suck it, science.
真心不错啊 That is actually incredible.
简直太棒了 恭喜恭喜 I can't believe it. Congratulations.
教练说我今年可以继续打橄榄球了 Coach says I might get to play some football this year.
什么 What?
- 我真为你高兴 好样的 - 哈 - I'm so proud of you. Good job. - Ah.
哇哦 Wow.
- 哎哟 我给你买的裙子 - 是啊 对丑伴女来说还不错吧 - Ah, my dress. - Ah? Not bad for a DUFF, am I right?
今晚是我和托比约会的大日子 It's my big Toby date night.
可以享受大好夜晚 Off to a nice evening
聊一聊有了托比之后 of talking about the finer
生活会变得有多好 things in life with a fellow intellectual?
怎么样 哈哈 Yes, please. Ha, ha.
那 你说 我现在看起来怎么样 好看吗教练 快说说 So, I mean, how do I look? Is this good, coach? Come on.
你看起来很不错 You look good.
只是不错吗 哇哦 这评价可真给力哦 Good? Wow, that's really a rave review.
我只是想说你看起来很漂亮 但你不像原来的你了 I just mean that you look good, but you don't look like you.
什么意思 你在说什么呢 What? What are you talking about?
什么意思啊 快告诉我 What do you mean? No, tell me.
没什么 没什么 你美翻了 Nothing, nothing. You look fantastic.
我成绩提高了 你也如愿以偿去约会了 我们都很好 I got my grades up, you got your date. We're good.
- 你还好吗 感觉你有点儿不对劲 - 你才不对劲呢 好吗 - Are you sure? You're being weird. - You're being weird, okay?
- 去吧 - 好的 我会向你汇报进展的 - Go. - Okay, I'll tell you how it goes.
- 好的 - 那我走了 再见 - All right. - Okay, bye.
再见 Bye.
祝我好运吧 Wish me luck.
祝你好运 Good luck.
- 嘿 - 嗨 - Hey. - Hi.
进来吧 Come on in.
- 哇哦 你有好好打扮哦 - 是吗 - Wow, you really dressed up. - Oh?
这是旧衣服啦 哈哈 This old thing? Ha, ha.
嗯 那 嘿 你想去哪儿 Um, so hey, where do you wanna go?
因为我听说过D&B餐厅很不错 Because I actually heard that Dave & Buster's
就像是约会胜地 is, like, the cool, hip new spot.
那里是不是有个抓娃娃机 The place with the metal claw game?
- 是的 就是那个 很好玩对不对 - 是啊 哈哈 - Yeah, that's the one. Fun, right? - Yeah. Ha, ha.
嗯 那里确实不错 Well, I do love Dave & Buster's,
不过我在某个地方已经准备好了 but I actually took the liberty of making a reservation already.
我想今晚就在家里吃吧 希望你不会介意 Hope this is okay. Thought we could eat here tonight.
我在网上学了怎样做寿司 I've been teaching myself how to make sushi online.
我就是觉得自己亲手做寿司 你懂的 会很温馨 I just thought it would be, you know, more personal.
是的 我很喜欢 Yeah, I like that.
噢 呃 那是烤蟹卷 Oh, uh, those are the baked crab rolls.
别客气 随便一点 对了 那是日本茶 Make yourself at home. That's Japanese tea, by the way.
- 希望你喜欢 尝尝吧 - 好的 - So enjoy. - Okay.
噩梦啊 我只排练了去D&B餐厅的情况 Nightmare. I'd only been trained for Dave & Buster's.
韦斯当时是怎么说的来着 What did Wes say? That "No
“如果两个人坐得超过3英尺远 那他们就没戏了” one's making out if they're three feet apart."
好吧 Okay.
噢 天哪 Oh, Jesus.
嘿 噢 呃 Hey. Oh. Uh...
- 没事吧 - 噢没事 不 呃 我正在拿 - Everything okay? - Oh, yeah. No, uh, I was getting...
我坐这里的时候觉得上面有风 I was feeling, like, a draft over when I was here,
所以我就把椅子搬到这边来了 so I just kind of scooted it on over here.
- 我把空调关了吧 - 噢 好的 都可以 - I can turn off the air. - Oh, okay. Whatever.
也许是个好主意 That's probably a good idea.
注意氛围 越暗越好 The vibe. Darker the better.
好 Okay.
怎么没反应 这是什么灯 Really? What kind of light...?
- 这是什么 - 嘿 比安卡 好点儿没 - What? - Hey, Bianca. That's better...
- 噢 保险丝断了吗 - 也许是的 - Oh. Did we blow a fuse? - I guess we did.
我刚走到这边 想看看你小时候穿毛线裤的照片 I was just over here looking at this picture of you
突然就变暗了 in the tiny sweatpants, and it got dark.
我不知道 太奇怪了 I don't know. It's crazy.
我去弄下断路器 把所有的灯都打开 I'll just flip the breakers, turn all the lights on.
噢 你要打开所有的 把所有的灯都打开吗 好吧 Oh, you're gonna turn all the...? Turn them all back on? Okay.
- 什么 - 噢 嘿 要有光 对吗 - What? - Oh! Hey, let there be light, right?
是啊 圣经里的话 Yeah. From the Bible.
不错啊 真有意思 Cool. That's crazy.
- 烤蟹卷怎么样了 - 噢 我现在就去拿出来 - What's the crab doing right now? - Oh, I'll go get him.
好的 很好 Okay, great.
真想不到你亲手做出了这些寿司 I can't believe you made all this sushi.
跟餐厅里的寿司一模一样 This is like restaurant-quality sushi.
就像 看这个 你做这个的时候是用了专门的模具吗 Like, look at this. Do you have a special tool for these?
哈哈 花了我几个小时 Ha, ha. It took a few hours.
我手指很灵活 If it has to do with my hands,
捡东西超快 I usually pick it up really quickly.
就因为这个我才会学吉他 That's actually how I got into guitar.
- 噢是吗 跟我讲讲吧 - 一开始我学得很差 - Oh, yeah. Tell me more about that. - I was a terrible student.
所以我妈就天天站我房间外面 And so my mom used to stand outside my room
监督我练习 to make sure that I was doing my homework.
倾过来了哟
有戏呦 Game on.
- 什么 - 我是说 继续说下去啊 - What? - I said, go on with the story,
我很爱听 because I'm loving it.
然后我就开始写诗 So then I just started writing poems,
再将那些诗写成歌 and those poems became songs and...
听起来很酷 That is so cool.
我想要你把我 I want you to take me...
把我立马摁倒在这桌上 Take me on this table right now.
怎么了 哦 加州卷 What's up? Oh, California roll?
- 唔嗯 啊哦 - 唷 - Mm. Oof! - Ew!
你还好吗 Are you okay?
啊 Ah.
啊 是的 我是在好好的感受这个寿司 Ah, yeah, I'm just really feeling this sushi.
它真的 让我很享受 It's really... It's doing something to me.
哈 哈 是吗 那 谢谢了 Ha, ha. Yeah. Well, thanks.
不是 像我刚说的 这是将音乐和弦 No, like I said, it's the poetry of the chord progression
与诗词意境结合在一起 intertwining with the poetry of the lyrics.
就像两个热恋中的人 It's like two people in love.
不错 就像迷你老二在高潮一样 喵嗷 喵嗷 喵喵 Yeah, like a midget jerking it. Meow, meow, meow-meow.
没错 很有趣 事实上 这让我想起了 Yeah, funny. Actually, that kind of reminds me of a song
我前几周刚写的一首歌 that I wrote a few weeks ago.
你愿意的话 我一会儿弹给你听 I could play it for you later if you like.
试图套近乎
- 当然 非常乐意 - 当然 非常乐意 - Yeah, totally. - Yeah, totally.
你知道吗 我自己也一直在写诗 You know, I've been working on a poem myself.
从前有个人 他叫托比·塔克 There once a boy named Toby
比安卡·派珀刚刚在幻想他 Tucker Bianca Piper just wished he would...
好了 我想去下卫生间 Okay, I think I'm gonna use the bathroom.
怎么走 Where is it?
你在外面对我做了什么 What are you doing to me out there?
什么 你没有迷上韦斯利 对吧 What...? You're not into Wesley, are you?
说的太对了 你就是 喔呼 在你心里谁排在第一位 You bet your ass, you are. Whoo! Who's number one in your brain?
- 不 滚出去 - 这个人 就是这个人 - No. Get out. - This guy. This guy is.
- 好了 - 滚开 - Yeah. - Get out.
好了 整理下自己的情绪 好吗 Okay, you've gotta pull it together, okay?
托比·塔克马上就要唱歌给你听了 你会非常喜欢的 Toby Tucker is gonna play you a song, and you're gonna love it.
走吧 Here we go.
还好吗 会不会有点冷 Are you okay? Little cold?
是的 确实有一点 I'm a little chilly, yeah.
噢 等下 Oh, hang on.
来披上 好点了吧 There you go. Better?
嗯 必须的 谢谢 Yeah, definitely. Thanks.
我要开唱了 So here's the song.
- 不要期望太高 我还在改这首歌 所以 - 好的 - Be gentle. I'm still working on it, so... - Okay.
宝贝 你让我魂不守舍 Baby, you set my soul on fire.
女孩 你是我心头牵挂 And, girl, you are my heart's desire.
不要不相信这一切 Don't you know it's true.
我们经历的风雨 In everything we do.
我只希望 I just want it to be.
一路有你 The two of us
想不到怎么押韵 I don't know exactly how to rhyme that.
- 哦 没事 已经很好了 - 谢谢 我也觉得不错 - Oh, no. It's so good, though. - Thank you. I think it's great.
我是说 我在这上面下了不少功夫 所以 I mean, I've been working on it for a little bit, so...
别再讨论我了 But enough about me.
我想说 视频事件之后 你过的怎样 I mean, how have you been, after that video came out?
有点艰难 It's been a little tough.
不少人 很多人都看到了 呃 我也不清楚 A lot of people... A lot of people saw it. Heh. I don't know.
老实说 最让人难过的事是 To be honest, the saddest part about it is that
我跟我最好的朋友几乎要干架了 I kind of got into a fight with my best friends, and...
杰西和凯西 Jess and Casey?
呃 对 杰西和凯西 Uh, yes, Jess and Casey.
还有 嗯 我也不清楚 像是 更多是我的错 And, um, I don't know, it's, like, my fault pretty much.
我有点想和好 但还没想好 I kind of wanna reach out, but I'm not really sure
- 我该怎么办 - 你应该和她们谈谈 - what I should do about it, and... - You should talk to them.
我是说 她们看起来很善解人意 所以 I mean, they seem like really caring, understanding people, so...
嗯 嗯哼 Mm. Mm-hm.
抱歉 你跟她们是朋友吗 Sorry, are you friends with them?
对 我和杰西一起上表演课 凯西一起上数学课 Yeah, Jess is in my drama class and I have trig with Casey.
哦 对 Oh, yeah. You know...
我想说 杰西是一个非常棒的好演员 I mean, Jess is, like, an amazing actress.
- 嗯 - 跳舞也很棒 - Mm. - And dancer.
嗯 Mm.
- 穿衣也很有品味 - 好吧 - And dresser. - Okay.
至于凯西 她更像那种 你知道 火辣拉丁美女 And Casey, she's, like, this, you know, fiery Latina.
明白吗 火辣辣的(西班牙语) 你知道的 You know, caliente, you know.
没错 她确实很火辣 Yeah, she's very spicy.
可是 嗯 现在我不算是她们的朋友了 所以 But, you know, I'm not really friends with them right now, so...
被打击到了吗 Is it intimidating?
什么 What?
跟那种人交朋友 我很少这么说 Being friends with... And it's rare that I point this out,
因为我不太同意 because I do not subscribe
美国所谓的阴柔之美 to the American ideal of feminine beauty.
但如此强势的女人 But such powerful women?
不 不 不 不 不 Oh, no. No, no, no.
我有个朋友想知道 A friend of mine was wondering,
她们下周末的返校舞会有伴了吗 do they have dates to the homecoming dance next weekend?
我试着让自己沉住气 但是 I tried to keep my composure, but...
你是在利用我吗 Are you DUFFing me?
你说什么 Excuse me?
你就是 You are.
这就是所谓的陪衬 This is a DUFF.
你想利用我来接近杰西和凯西 You're using me to try to get closer to Jess and Casey,
因为你觉得我更好接近 对吧 because you think that I'm approachable, aren't you?
好吧 听着 当你说我们周五一起去玩的时候 Okay, look, when you said that we should hang out Friday,
我以为你在暗示她们也会来 I thought you were hinting that they were gonna be here.
就像 我以为你在说她们对我有意思 Like, I thought you were saying that they were into me.
我简直 简直不敢相信 I can't... I can't even believe this.
我不敢相信五秒钟之前我还以为 I can't believe for five seconds I thought that...
- 比安卡 比安卡 - 干吗 - Bianca, Bianca. - What?
我的毛衣能还我吗 Can I have my sweatshirt?
呵呵 好 知道吗 给你 还给你 Heh, okay, you know what? Here, you can have it.
哦 Oh.
哦 天哪 不 Oh, hell, no.
寿司先生 Mr. Sushi?
- 至少歌是我自己的 - 说得对 - The song was mine. - Yeah.
我一点都不觉得惊讶 因为它烂透了 I'm not surprised, because it was a piece of shit.
你也是 享受你的夜晚吧 And so are you. Have a nice night.
- 你好 - 韦斯 我是比安卡 - Hello? - Wes, it's Bianca.
开玩笑的 这是我的电话录音 Just kidding. It's my voice mail.
韦斯 我是比安卡 Wes, it's Bianca.
原来托比一直把我当作那种丑伴女 So it turns out that Toby's been DUFFing me the whole time.
我还一直在想一些事情 我得 And I've just been thinking about some stuff, and I just...
我非常想和你聊聊 记得回我电话 I'd really like to talk to you, okay? Call me back.
嗨 我收到你的消息了 Hey, I got your message.
好吧 嗯 算了 你回家吧 Yeah, um, forget about it. Just go home.
听着 托比的事我很遗憾 Look, I'm sorry about Toby.
好吗 他就是个白痴 Okay? He's an idiot.
你知道吗 我看到你和麦迪逊 You know, I saw you and Madison.
- 好吧 - 那是属于我的地方 - Okay. - You were at my special place.
你知道的 那是我的思考石 You know, that's my Think Rock.
你说我可以用的 You said I could use it.
不是像莫泰宾馆那样的用法 韦斯 Not as a Motel 6, Wes.
你当时在和托比约会 You were on a date with Toby.
你现在是真的生我的气了吗 Are you seriously mad at me right now?
我以为我们是朋友 I thought we were friends.
拜托 我们不是朋友 Come on, we're not friends.
知道吗 你那样的人不会 You know, people like you don't hang out
跟我这样的人做朋友 明白吗 with people like me, you know?
事实就是这样 橄榄球队队员 都是和火辣小妞约会 That's just the way it is. Football guys, they date hot chicks.
而我这样的从不约会 And people like me don't date anybody.
我之前怎么会认为这事会变得不同呢 I don't know why I thought it could be different.
你在说什么呢 比比 这不是你的风格 What are you talking about? B, this isn't you.
拜托 韦斯 在学校里被人看到我们在一起时 你会觉得很尴尬 Please, Wes, you're embarrassed to be seen with me at school.
你不记得吗 Okay?
这只是 It's just...
这就是一个实验 This was an experiment,
结果约会这种事适合你而不适合我 and it worked for you and it didn't work for me,
所以就这样吧 好吗 so let's just forget it, okay?
- 比比 - 求你了 回家吧 - B... - Please, just go home.
那么 返校舞会对我来说到底意味着什么 So, what does homecoming mean to me?
那么返校舞会对我来说意味着什么呢
我
“返校舞会”这个词本身 The word "Homecoming" Itself
返校舞会这个词很糟糕
会让人觉得温暖和舒适 conjures up feelings of warmth and comfort.
糟糕
高中生活并没有给我带来这些感觉 High school offers me none of that.
我知道有人会说 I know some people will
人们都很糟糕 人们都很糟糕 人们都很糟糕 我很想念我的小伙伴们
返校舞会是关于庆祝的 tell you that homecoming is about celebrating,
但对于学校里的大多数孩子来说 but to the majority of kids in school,
那只不过是又一个难熬的夜晚 你会觉得压力山大 it's just another night where you feel pressure
感到鸭梨山大对于找到满意的披萨
要找到最好的舞伴 要穿上最美的衣服 to find the perfect date, the perfect outfit,
要享受最完美的一夜 and have the perfect evening.
亚瑟先生 我的文章被狗吃了
第二天一早 就要回归现实 Come Monday morning, it's back to reality.
第二天一早就要回归现实
现实
我不知道你会怎样 I don't know about you,
但我很高兴能宅过去 but I'm happy to sit this one out.
标题：
我的返校舞会
信件已发送
我不后悔按下了“发送” I didn't regret hitting "Send,"
但我有件事很后悔 关于杰西和凯西 but I did regret how I left things with Jess and Casey.
所以都是因为那些流言蜚语吗 So all of this because of some word?
对我来说不只是流言蜚语 It didn't feel like just some word to me.
我觉得我自己内心深处 I think deep down I've
也是一直知道你们比我好看 always known you guys were prettier than me,
而我都不敢跟你们讨论这些话题 and I felt like I couldn't talk to you about it,
因为你们不会理解 because you wouldn't understand
邋遢如我站在两个光鲜亮丽的朋友旁边是什么感觉 what it felt like to be your schlumpy friend.
但是 知道吗 你错了 But, you know, you're wrong,
因为我们也有那样的不安全感 because we all have our insecurities.
关键是 我们是一个团队 The point is, we're a team.
如果真的有什么的话 跟你比起来 会显得我们很傻 If anything, we're kind of chumps in comparison to you.
好吧 有点过了 我刚刚还有点感动 现在没了 Okay, now you went too far. You had me and then you lost me.
哦 不 她说的对 比比 你是目前为止我们三个之中 Oh, no, she's right, B. You are by far the smartest one
最聪明的那个 你很忠诚 很风趣 of the three of us. You're loyal, you're funny.
没有你 我们就不是三人组了 And we can't be Bianca, Jess and Casey without Bianca.
谢谢 Thanks.
哦 Oh.
好了 不如这样 Okay, you know what?
今晚我们甩了舞伴 来个女孩之夜好吗 Tonight how about we ditch our dates and have a girls' night?
- 就这么干 - 什么 不 不成 - Done. - What? No, no way.
小伙伴们 那是返校舞会 你们必须要参加 Guys, it's homecoming. You're definitely going.
我只是 不能去见韦斯 I just... I can't see Wes.
或是托比 或是任何人 因为那件事 Or Toby. Or anyone, for that matter.
就让我待在这 在披萨中间再躺一会儿吧 Just let me stay here and lie amongst the pizza a little longer.
- 绝对不行 - 妈 - Absolutely not. - Mom.
- 你又在门外偷听了 - You're listening at the door again?
- 是的 没错 这次比较有料 - Yes, I was. This is juicy stuff.
现在一切说得通了 Now it all makes sense.
妈 我已经过了你所说的所有阶段了 好吗 Mom, I've been through all of your stages, okay?
我已经到了第五个也是最后阶段了 接受现实 I am already at the fifth and final stage: Acceptance.
宝贝 忘掉那五个阶段 Honey, forget about the five stages.
我现在有了更好的建议 I have got some real advice for you.
我们就叫它 呃 十一个阶段法 We're gonna call it, uh, stage 11.
对 有点像接受现实2.0版 Yeah, it's sort of acceptance plus,
让你认识自己 接受自己 where you realize who you are, you accept it,
然后 嗯 and then you, um,
你就到了第十一个阶段了 turn it up to 11.
刚刚是学罗伯特 帕丁森吗 Is that supposed to be Robert Pattinson?
不是 是刺脊乐队 No, Spinal Tap.
那部电影 刺脊乐队 The movie, Spinal Tap.
“这已经到了第十一阶段了” "This one goes to 11."
够了 Let's stop.
好吧 宝贝 你是个怪胎 All right, honey, you're a weirdo.
没事 接受它 尽你所能去成为最好的怪胎吧 Fine, own it. Be the best weirdo you can be.
过去的一个月你花了太长时间 You have spent the last month worrying so much
纠结别人对你的看法 about what other people think about you.
今晚就纠结一下你对自己的看法吧 How about tonight you just worry about what you think about you?
现在 给我收拾好自己 Now, I want you to get cleaned up,
给我去参加那个舞会 I want you to go to that dance,
在舞会上玩出你该有的样子 and rock that homecoming like my Bianca Piper would.
激情加上行动 Passion plus action...
哦 天哪 我又来了 Oh, my God, I'm doing it again.
不 不 这很好 这很有用 No, no, it's okay, it's working.
你很擅长这个 我感觉到我疯狂的灵感了 You're good at this. I'm feeling mad inspired.
我想我有主意了 I think I have an idea.
嗯 Hmm.
就是它 我敢说 这是我最好的作品之一了 There it is. I gotta say, this is some of my best work.
- 你很有天赋 - 这太完美了 杰西 - You are very talented. - It's really perfect, Jess.
行了 我刚刚跟他们说了 All right, I just talked with the guys,
我说我们会自己去 and I told them we're going alone.
- 哦 漂亮 - 谢谢 - Ooh. Yes. - Thanks.
那么 我们该走了吧 So shall we?
让我们行动吧 Let's do this shit.
真TM的漂亮 Fucking A.
- 妈妈 - 抱歉 - Mom. - Sorry.
她太漂亮了 她简直太完美了 She looks great. She's pulling it off.
- 老兄 她才15岁 兄弟 - 她10岁 - Dude, she's 15 years old, man. - She's a ten.
我不关注15岁的人 她10岁 I don't care about 15. She's a ten.
然后她就像这样说 And then she was all like,
”贱人 如果我想征求你的意见 我会问的" "Bitch, if I wanted your opinion, I'd ask."
然后我就这么说 “贱人 And I was all like, "Bitch,
如果我想知道你在想什么 我也会问的” if I cared what you thought, I'd ask."
哦 我奶奶太烦人了 Ugh, my grandma is so annoying.
- 哈哈哈 - 韦斯利 现在几点了 - Ha-ha-ha. - Wesley, what time is it?
九点一刻 Nine-fifteen.
好的 他们马上就要宣布舞会的国王和皇后了 Okay, they're announcing king and queen soon,
听着 凯特琳 我会走上舞台 so, Caitlyn, I wanna go over
站在最中间 让灯光聚集在我身上 by the stage and get the very best lighting.
我马上就回来 I'll be right back.
哇 Wow.
嗯 姐妹们 我过去一下 好吗 Um, you guys, I'll be right back, okay?
- 裙子太棒了 比安卡 - 谢谢 罗宾 - Awesome dress, Bianca. - Thanks, Robin.
- 嗨 比安卡 关于另一个 - 嘘 嘘 嘘 - Hey, Bianca, about the other... - Shh, shh, shh.
呃 Uh...
- 嘿 - 嘿 - Hey. - Hey.
我在老远处就觉得 I could tell from across
我们可能喜欢着彼此 the room that we might be into each other.
现在我就在你面前 我很确定 到你了 Now that I'm here, I'm sure. Your move.
- 哇 - 怎么样 - Wow. - How was that?
那 还不错 That was not bad.
我应该说“你是嘴里含了香肠吗” Should I've gone with "Wiener in your mouth"?
- 不 不 当然不 - 哈哈 - No, no. Definitely not. - Ha, ha.
- 嗯 - 哇 嗯 - Um... - Wow, um...
你看上去美极了 You look beautiful.
谢谢 Thanks.
听着 嗯 关于我那天说的话 Look, um, about what I said the other day,
我们当然是朋友啦 这很好 of course we're friends, and that's cool.
但是我有个朋友曾经告诉我 如果你喜欢某人 But a guy I know once told me that if you like somebody,
你就应该直接向他走去 you should just be straight-up with them
告诉他你喜欢他 and tell them that you're into them.
所以我想我现在正在这样做 So I guess that's kind of what I'm doing.
等等 你喜欢我 Wait, you're into me?
没错 Yeah.
嗯 Um...
我 嗯 我刚刚和麦迪逊重归于好了 I, uh... I kind of just got back together with Madison.
哦 Oh.
你开心就好 But that's good if you're happy.
- 什么鬼情况 - 哦 - What the shit? - Ow.
别挡路 Get out of my way.
哇 这裙子真有意思 Wow, that is an interesting dress.
谁做的 大笨熊吗 Who makes that, Build-A-Bear?
既然你看上去不会离开我的男朋友 Since you can't seem to leave my boyfriend alone,
我已经迫不及待要在明天要播放你的视频了 I cannot wait to release your video tomorrow.
很好 我很开心它能让你这么激动 放吧 Good. I'm glad you're excited about it. Go right ahead.
好极了 我会的 Fine, I Will.
还有 韦斯利绝不会为了某些丑小鸭而离开我的 Plus, Wesley would never leave me for some DUFF anyway.
- 听着 麦迪逊 - 没事儿 - Look, Madison... - It's okay.
哦 麦迪逊 你曾让我那么沮丧 Ooh. Madison, you used to make me so upset,
但是现在我只是觉得你可怜 but now I just feel bad for you.
没错 我确实是一些人的丑伴友 Yeah, I'm somebody's DUFF.
你猜怎么着 你也是 每个人都是 Guess what, so are you. So is everybody.
总有一个比你更漂亮或更聪明 There's always gonna be somebody prettier or more talented
或更有钱的人 or richer than you,
但是这不应该影响你对自己的评价 but it shouldn't affect how you see yourself.
你给每个人贴上比你低等的标签 You label everybody to try to keep them down,
但是你最后都失去了身边的这些好朋友 but you end up missing out on all this great stuff around you.
你还有韦斯利 但是你 You have Wesley, and you
对待他像对待傻子一样 他并不傻 treat him like he's stupid, but he isn't.
人们不喜欢他 是因为他跟你在一起 And people don't like him, because he's with you.
人们喜欢他因为他是 像是 一个好人 They like him because he's, like, an amazing guy.
你看 我喜欢我自己 Look, I like myself.
我并不希望成为别的人 I wouldn't wanna be anybody else.
并且我意识到这些都不重要 And I realize now that none of this matters to me.
但你觉得很重要 这是你的梦想 But it does to you. It's your dream.
我完全支持 And I totally support that.
别因为我不在意你那些该死的标签而诋毁我 Just don't tear me down for not giving a shit about your labels,
因为最终 它们都毫无意义 because in the end, they're meaningless.
什么 What?
你说的都是屁话 懂吗 Whatever you said was meaningless, okay?
你甚至没有理解 这并不是我的梦想 You don't even get it. This is not my dream.
- 我不需要 - 好了 蓝魔们 - I don't need to... - Okay, Blue Devils.
哦 天哪 到时间了 Oh, my God, here it is.
要开始了 It's happening.
好的 疯狂的家伙们 到了为我们的舞会国王皇后加冕的时候了 Okay, Blue Devils, it's time to crown our king and queen.
嘿 怎么样 Hey, how'd it go?
- 事实上 很好 - 今年的舞会皇后是 - Actually, really good. - This year's homecoming queen is...
我都有点小紧张了 This one's got me a little nervous.
麦迪逊·摩根小姐 Ms. Madison Morgan.
我 真的吗 Me? What?
哦 天哪 必须是我 Oh, my God, of course.
麦迪逊 Madison!
- 恭喜 麦迪逊 - 我就知道是我 - Congratulations, Madison. - I knew it was me.
归你了 Keep it to yourself.
- 好棒 麦迪逊 - 好了 - Yeah, Madison. - All right.
今年的舞会国王是 And this year's homecoming king is...
来点掌声 Drumroll, please.
韦斯利·拉什先生 Mr. Wesley Rush.
韦斯利·拉什 Wesley Rush.
舞会国王 快上来 Homecoming king. Come on up.
韦斯利 韦斯利 Wesley. Wesley.
韦斯利 Wesley.
韦斯利在哪 Where's Wesley?
你不要你的王冠了吗 Aren't you gonna go get your crown?
不 我要我的女孩儿 No, I'm gonna get the girl.
- 耶 比安卡 - 我们离开这鬼地方 - Yeah, Bianca! - Let's get the hell out of here.
加油 加油 All right. All right.
哇 加油 Yeah, all right.
哇塞 Damn.
一定是裙子的功劳 It was definitely the dress.
- 那太棒了 - 没错 他帅呆了 - That is really great. - Yeah, he is hot.
我们闯进新闻编辑部是来干坏事儿吗 Are we breaking into the newsroom to hook up?
- 我想是的 - 你是谁 - You bet we are. - Who are you?
- 韦斯利 - 怎么了 - Wesley? - What?
我只是想 我只是想 还有一件事 I just want to... I just want to... One more thing.
- 怎么了 怎么了 - 只有一件事 - What? What? - Just one thing.
别 他们封闭了所有的网站 No, they block out all the good sites.
- 你要干什么 - 我只是要 - What are you doing? - I just have to...
不 不 如果你要做作业 我会自杀的 No, no, if you're doing homework, I'm gonna kill myself.
很快的一件小事儿 关于我的文章 It's just one quick thing. It's for my article.
我有灵感了 I'm feeling inspired.
- 行了 在这 就这样靠着我的肩 - 好的 - Okay, here, just rub my shoulders. - Right.
毕业舞会对我来说意味着什么 What does homecoming mean to me?
如果你在刚开学的时候问我 If you asked me at the beginning of senior year,
我会告诉你 “什么都不是” I would've told you, "Absolutely nothing."
但是今晚 可能是我一生中最美妙的夜晚 But tonight, possibly the greatest night of my life,
我的心情完全改变了 I have changed my tune.
你知道那种一瞬间改变一切的时刻吗 You know that one moment in high school that changes everything?
好了 我晚点再写这篇文章好了 Okay, I think I can probably finish this later.
这一切都是在高三那年发生的 毕业舞会的前一个月 It all started senior year, about a month before homecoming.
我跟我两个最要好的朋友在走廊上闲逛 I was cruising the halls with my two best friends...
哇 她太了不起了 Wow, she's awesome.
没错 她很了不起 我应该转发这个 Yeah, she is. I should forward this.
- 扩散吗 - 扩散 - Viral? - Viral.
我是个丑伴友 I'm a DUFF.
我是个丑伴友 I am a DUFF.
没错 就是我 Yep, that's me.
- 我是个丑伴友 - 我是个丑伴友 - I'm a DUFF. - I'm a DUFF.
行了 姐妹们 我也知道一些丑伴友 Okay, girl, I know some DUFFs too.
哇 Wow.
不管怎样 你写的东西 For what it's worth, what you wrote here
也让我有了共鸣 struck a chord with me as well.
我是说 我知道你不会相信 I mean, I know you won't believe me,
但是我也是我朋友们的一个丑伴友 but I was the DUFF out of my friends.
什么 不会吧 What? No.
“丑伴友”可不是什么很酷的称谓 There was no cool name for it like "The DUFF."
它就 好像 “笨蛋” 呃 就是讨厌鬼 It was, like, "The dipshit," Uh, douche bag.
像是 乌尔科尔 亚洲的乌尔科尔 A. Urkel. Asian Urkel.
- 讨厌的呆子 - 好的 不 不需要 - Nerd ass. - Okay, no. Didn't need...
- 不需要任何同情 你知道吗 - 哦 抱歉 - Didn't need the help, you know? - Oh, sorry.
哇哦 看这个 Whoa, look at this.
这个网址有上千的评论和点赞 The site has thousands of comments and likes on it.
但是这次大家都是正面的 But they're positive this time.
亚瑟先生是对的 Mr. Arthur was right.
孩子们开始向我写信叙述他们各自当丑伴友的故事 Kids started writing to me with their own DUFF stories,
而在我公布这些故事后 and when I posted those,
更多的孩子回应了 大家都开始讲自己的故事 more kids responded until it just became its own thing.
哦 至于韦斯利 他通过了科学考试 Oh, and Wesley? He passed science.
他这个秋天就要去俄亥俄州大学了 He's going to Ohio State in the fall.
因为我考上了西北大学 我们可以互相探望 And since I got into Northwestern, we can visit each other.
可以经常见面 A lot.
嘿 邻居兼男友 Hey, neighbor-slash-boyfriend.
嗨 邻居兼女友 Hi, neighbor-slash-girlfriend.
你饿了吗 我饿了 You hungry? I'm hungry.
- 嗯 我想吃东西 - 很好 - Yeah, I could eat. - Good.
因为我正想带你去吃晚餐 Because I was hoping to take you to dinner.
哦 去D&B怎么样 Ooh. How about a little Dave & Buster's?
- 滚雪球 - 啊 - Skee-Ball? - Ah!
- 黑暗的包厢 怎样 - 啊 我喜欢你跟我说小黄段子的时候 - A dark booth? Yeah. - Ah! I love it when you talk dirty to me.
- 或许我们还可以略刻意地碰一下膝盖 - 哦 可以吗 - Maybe we'll accidentally touch knees. - Oh, can I?
比安卡现在要亲韦斯了 Bianca kiss Wes now?
哦 怪兽声音来了 太性感了 Oh, monster voice sexy.
到了后来 这跟名气 甚至钓到男朋友都没什么关系了 In the end, it's not about popularity or even getting the guy.
重要的是理解 It's about understanding
不论你的人生被贴上了什么标签 that no matter what label is thrown your way,
只有你自己可以定义自己 only you can define yourself.
就比如丑伴友这件事儿 Take it from a DUFF.
按那个 按那个 中间那个长长的 Hit that... Hit that, uh... That long one in the middle.
这叫空格键 It's called a spacebar.
- 嘿 - 眼前的这个 穿了个经典款 - Hey. - Now, that's a classic look.
你可以上智族杂质的封面了 You could be on the cover of GQ. Back cover.
只是一件汗衫 好吧 麦吉福 Just a vest. Okay, MacGyver.
你再敢说我的儿子一次 You talk about my son one more ******* time.
艹 Bluh!
我发誓 我压力山大啊 I swear, I'm just feeling the pressure.
要是让藤井知道了 If this makes it to Toshi,
- 我现在在跟你讲话 - 藤井 - I'm telling you now... - Toshi.
- 现在我知道你 - 哈哈 - Now I know you... - Ha, ha.
- 现在我知道你 - 哈哈 - Now I know that you... - Ha, ha.
- 哈哈哈 - 这不是 - Ha-ha-ha. - This is not...
- 这是一个 - 唔 这不是我想要的文章 - This is a... - Hmm. Not the article I want.
- 爸爸 17 - 但是它写了我们想要的 - Dad, 17 pa... - But it article we need.
- 嘿 特雷弗 - 玩的开心 特雷弗 - Hey, Trevor. - Have fun tonight, Trevor.
- 我讨厌你 - 不 你看起来很可爱 - I hate you. - No, you look adorable.
嗯 伊什 Mm. Ish.
我不开心 I'm not happy!
我好几年没亲嘴了 I haven't been kissed in years.
我们可以试一次 好吧 别再试了 Can we do one more...? - Okay, not again.
哦 我们在拍电影吗 Oh, are we making a movie?